Alcohol turns me into a monster

[Mumlife101]

Admitting you have a problem is never easy.

Hi everyone, I am a mum in her thirties. I pride myself on being such a good mother to my children. I also think I’m a pretty good wife (most of the time). I have a great job, have some good friends around and enjoy getting outdoors to the beach or fishing whenever we can. I study part time too, I’m a great cook and enjoy creating cakes for friends and family. Sounds pretty normal right?

But, there’s a problem. When I get the occasional chance to get out which is not very often, I binge drink & turn into an absolute horrible person towards my husband.

I have no self control and black out. I get verbally abusive and make some really poor choices. Quite simply, I am so ashamed of the person I become. I know it’s not me.

My husband and I have some unresolved issues regarding his verbal attacks and insults on me when we have a disagreement. I guess I internalise that pain and it comes flooding out when I get drunk. No excuse though for my behaviour.

I know I have a problem. I want to be the best version of my self all the time. Even if I have a few wines after work I get depressed and down so it’s not doing me any good at all. When I have cut it out before I have so much energy and am happy.

Looking to reach out for support. I want to ditch the alcohol completely this time, forever.

Thanks for listening.

[Vik]

Welcome @Mumlife101 and thanks for your post.

You're absolutely right - it's never easy, and posting can take a lot of courage so well done on taking this step! You're certainly not alone in having a mostly normal life and family life, but having probles with what you called binge drinking.

Sounds like you're feeling strong about drinking being not being good for you, with even in small amounts effecting your mood, and it's inspiring to hear how determined you are

How are you doing this week with your goal?
You also might find this activity about making a plan for social events helpful?

Looking forward to hearing an update

[Ph03n1x]

It's so hard to give up alcohol when our culture revolves around alcohol being part of celebrations and catch ups. I am a mother as well. There's alcohol abuse on both sides of my family which made me a higher risk of being an alcoholic. I only recently started drinking alcohol again after 10 months of sobriety. It's a constant battle.

[Jack23]

hi @P@Ph03n1x

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you for seeking support, it takes a lot of strength and courage to look for help.

Please read through stories that interest you and please share your experiences with other forum members.

Take care and all the best.

Jack23