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  • Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    For friends and family of people with substance problems. Connect with others here to share support and advice today.
    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 72
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Mon Apr 26, 2021 8:51 pm

    Hi @Tiredwife ,

    I remember being in the position your husband is now. I remember trying to control it and the struggle and shame when I just couldn't follow through on what I promised myself and those around me. Actually admitting being an alcoholic is hard because of the assumptions I had about what an alcoholic is and what one looks like. I knew my wife was distancing and that I was distancing but just felt powerless. At the same time my pride prevented me from properly engaging in the help I needed. It took me long enough to ask for the help, let alone start to admit how bad it had got and to do what was required. My marriage didn't survive because I wasn't quick enough to fully engage in help.

    Have you spoken with your husband about the consequences if he continues to drink this way? There are ways to do this and be supportive as well as set boundaries. In my experience ultimatums don't work but maybe you could tell him that if he seeks support you'll be there with him if he's trying.........but that he has to be seriously trying. At the end of the day you do have to protect yourself and your son from the fallout if he isn't willing to engage in help.

    I wonder if a conversation about the extent of the impacts his drinking is having on you and your son might help. Let him know that you want a positive outcome and will support him through the process but if he isn't willing to engage in support that you can't sit by and watch. I think the hardest thing for families is not giving away your own boundaries and ending up frustrated, angry and feeling helpless. Maybe you could check out AlAnon??? It's a support service for families of alcoholics. You may just find people who've been in similar situations and get great firsthand advice on what they did and how they cope.

    Encourage him to talk to his GP and start from there. I think people are hesitant to start at Alcohol and Drug services because it's just too big of an admission to have to face up to. If he starts a conversation with his GP it may lead to further progress. Gotta start somewhere and everyone does the journey differently. Baby steps for some but at least they are engaging and progressing. Remember, there will be ups and downs but with your support he may get there.......he has to be willing to engage though because it's pointless otherwise. Offer to help and support but look after yourself at the same time.

    I hope this helps........let me know how you go...........maybe get him to read the stories in these pages and he might be able to talk anonymously on here???
    0 x
    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 72
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:02 pm

    So much to look forward to with this @Deyfhob..........I hope you can stay focused on the end result whilst going through the process and know that it will be worth it when you get to do those things.

    How did the dentist go?
    1 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:30 am

    Heya @Jimm , @Justfortoday86 , @Notegrets , and @Ramsey

    Welcome to the forums! This is a space to share and support each other, so when you feel ready, we'd love to hear from you!

    :D
    0 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:09 am

    @Craig PW

    I definitely will stay focused have come to far to give up now. The dentist went well I had 3 teeth removed I’m on day 2 of recovery from it and I’m feeling very little pain. I’m very excited for the future
    1 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:18 am

    Hey @Deyfhob,

    Loving that attitude, you're a true star.

    That's so fantastic, I'm really happy for you. Congratulations!

    Please keep us posted. :)
    0 x
    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 72
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Thu Apr 29, 2021 8:10 pm

    Awesome @Deyfhob ...........these are the wins to remember. This is the stuff that gets put off or just doesn't happen when you're in active addiction. When the urges strike try to remember that............think about the process that has started to turn around some of the damage and how good it feels.

    Thanks for sharing
    0 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Fri Apr 30, 2021 10:08 am

    @Craig PW thanks so much for your kind words. I definitely have come too far to undo all the hard work and slip.
    1 x
    Peace Dove
    Community Builder
    Posts: 30
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:22 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Tue May 04, 2021 10:10 pm

    Hi @MrsDewar,

    Welcome to the forums! In this space you'll find some useful information, stories from others that share similar experiences and the support of the community.

    Feel free to post an intro about yourself and what has brought you here.

    Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. We're here to help.

    :)
    0 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Thu May 06, 2021 3:24 pm

    Hi all

    Just wanted to drop in and say hello and let you all know I’m all healed up from my dental procedure, so just over a week and I’m almost in no pain at all, a small amount of discomfort but considering I had 3 teeth removed I’m super happy with that. Thank you to everyone who has asked after me it is very much appreciated
    2 x
    Bamboo [facilitator]
    Community Manager
    Posts: 220
    Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:46 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Thu May 06, 2021 4:28 pm

    Hi @Deyfhob hello to you too and great to hear that you are all healed from your dental procedure :)
    0 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Thu May 06, 2021 5:36 pm

    @Bamboo [facilitator] thanks so much hope you are well :)
    0 x
    Peace Dove
    Community Builder
    Posts: 30
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:22 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Mon May 10, 2021 1:09 pm

    Hi @MrsC,

    Welcome to the forums! In this space you'll find some useful information, stories from others that share similar experiences and the support of the community.

    Feel free to post an intro about yourself and what has brought you here.

    Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. We're here to help. :)
    0 x
    MrsC
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Mon May 10, 2021 12:52 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Mon May 10, 2021 1:11 pm

    Thank-you. Am currently drafting an intro, trying to work out what to share.
    I guess a start is a start right? :)
    1 x
    Peace Dove
    Community Builder
    Posts: 30
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:22 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

    Mon May 10, 2021 1:59 pm

    Hi @MrsC,

    Most welcome. And yes, a start is a start. Good job! :)
    1 x

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