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  • Detachment, letting go, self care

    For friends and family of people with substance problems. Connect with others here to share support and advice today.
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 10:31 am

    Detachment, letting go, self care

    Sun Jul 28, 2019 10:37 am

    Hi all,

    I am at the very painful place of accepting reality, and realising that I cannot control my partner, and that as nice of a person he is and how genuine and hard he is trying, I need to let go and let God and let him make his own decisions and come to the conclusion himself to realise he needs to take an honest inventory and want to change.

    And I need to let him go, if not I will drown. I love him so very much, I have hopes of having a very lovely family with him as he is such a good man with good heart and great potential. But I am in such a painful place of realising that the most graceful thing I can do is set boundaries with him and for myself because I feel like I am going insane myself. The resentment anger hurt disappointment, not to mention the financial burden and debt I have allowed myself to get into enabling him and not addressing and facing up to my own codependency issues is going to make me sink.

    So I need to start preparing myself emotionally, to accept reality, to keep telling myself, yes I love him very much, yes I hope for us to have a beautiful future, but as of now, I need to let him go to walk his own recovery journey, not pressure him, I need to set boundaries to protect myself, I can't rely on him because he is "sick" and needs healing, I need to focus on myself and get my life back, yes it is so painful, it is so disappointing, I wish that feelings I get when I look into his eyes and when he kisses me and holds me in his arms and tells me he loves me and is trying his best will last, but it is only temporary and it will only be real after he has come out of the end of the recovery tunnel fully. And there is a possibility that I cannot wait for that long as I am already in my early 30s. I have my own life's purpose and calling to pursue and realise, I have people counting on me and future people that will come into my life to help.

    It is so painful and disappointing and I love him so so very much. :(
    Last edited by FaithHL on Mon Jul 29, 2019 11:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
    0 x
    Posts: 82
    Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2019 4:12 pm

    Re: Detachment, letting go, self care

    Sun Jul 28, 2019 11:16 am

    hi @FaithHL

    Welcome to the forum.

    Well done on joining the forum and having the strength and courage to seek help and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

    I can see how much thought you have given to your situation and how much you care for your partner. Being honest with your partner in how much his behaviour is hurting you is very important, it gives him back the responsibility to resolve his own problems and also to have the responsibility and choice to decide how important your are to him.

    I hope your partner seeks help for his problems, and I wish you all the best.

    Take Care.
    0 x

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