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To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sat May 04, 2019 8:31 am
by existingnotliving
Dear Friend, wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, Aunty, uncle & every other loved one who has to endure this addiction everyday almost as if it’s your own. Who watches me destroy myself physically, mentally & financially day in day out without any control over the effects and consequences that it has on my life and also yours. I’m sorry you feel helpless & you have done everything yet can’t help me. Believe me when I say I’m trying, it’s an ongoing battle I have with myself every single day. You have no idea how guilty I feel for letting you down, letting myself down & how incredibly ashamed I feel to have let this control me. I’m so sorry for taking it out on you and saying such hurtful things, for blaming you for things I know are not your fault, in most cases it’s because I’m so desperately wanting drugs, because I have no money to get any or I’m irritated and frustrated because I feel no one understands me or have fucked up again and don’t want to tell you & I just want to be on my own. It’s when I hate myself most, because reality is I’m yelling because I just want drugs & just wish i didn’t feel the way I do . I may not say it out loud but in my head the minute I stop yelling or screaming and am quiet it’s the moment I feel bad & guilty but I will not show you that. Admitting fault does not come easy, often or at all & I will blame you for everything I can just to make it appear that I have a good reason to be acting this way. I’m sorry for screaming at you when I know your trying to help but in that moment my ability to be reasonable is non existent and my patience for anyone or anything other than drugs is gone. There is no easy fix, there is no magic words or medication that can make this go away, no amount of I love you’s or hugs take away the Indescribable and unrelenting need I have to take drugs. As soon as I know I’m having it or getting it... my whole demeanour and attitude changes... keep in mind I haven’t consumed it yet or even have it in my hand but knowing it’s coming is all it takes to change my mood. But reverse the circumstances and I know I can’t get it or have it I will be doing anything I can to try to figure out a way to get on. And until I do I can and will be so unbearable to be around or speak to that just being in the same room as me or looking at me is all I need to start taking it out on you. Try to understand that it’s not you & I am projecting all the anger, shame and guilt I feel for myself onto you and in that moment don’t even know why I do it. So as hard as it will be don’t bite back or try and reason with me or tell me it’s the drugs that make me like this. The best response is no response at all sometimes. And if I scream at you that your ignoring me be completely calm when u simply say “I’m not doing this with you” or “I love you & have no reason to b arguing so I won’t” or “when you feel u can stop screaming and be reasonable we can talk then”. The length of time I carry on will depend solely on my perception of your reaction and responses. If you are calm and do not speak with any kind of emotions or attitude then it diffuses the situation rather than exacerbates it. I do things that go against any morals, values or principles that I previously stood for, I will justify what ever it is I want to do in my head with any excuse I can and even if I can’t justify it Ill still do it. I hate myself for the person I have become, I hate myself for the way it’s ruining my life, I hate myself for letting it control what mood I will be in and what people I associate with. I hate the way I have isolated myself from anyone that I knew before that doesn’t take drugs and I hate the way people judge me and feel like they are better than me because they are not users. In some way they make me feel they are above me and place my in another category for people that are less than they are. Even if they say they don’t they do. I know this because that was me and I can see it, it’s all in the way they look at me, and it’s not paranoia they don’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel any worse because they know how it would make you feel if they said what they really thought of me. There is no script to go by or any kind of instructions to navigate the days & way to deal with me because everyday is different for me as is you. You can take me to any doctor, medical professional or counsellor but the truth is until the will to want to quit is stronger than the will to want to get high this won’t end. All I ask and hope for is you be there when I need you when time comes. Even though I’ve asked for help before, don’t think I didn’t mean it, At the end of everyday all we can do is hope that the will I have to stop is stronger than my will to get high.

All my love
The Addict

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sat May 04, 2019 10:04 am
by Jack23
Hi [mention]existingnotliving[/mention]

Welcome to the forum.

That was a beautifully written, insightful, honest and courageous post.

It takes a lot of strength to look for help and share your experiences and pain.

I believe your post will inspire and help a lot of people here at the forum, you have articulated and voiced what many people are feeling and going through.

I hope you find support and comfort here at the forum, and feel that you do not have to go through your recovery alone.

I look forward to reading your future posts and be inspired by your journey.

Take care

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sun May 05, 2019 2:21 am
by EMK
This broke me.
My partner and I are both addicts.
So I see that in me, what I used to be at least.
But then I look at him.
Everyday I’m hopeful, but the reality is creeping up that nothing I ever do and no amount of love will help him.
He gave up years ago.
I can’t even remember the last time I spent time with the real him, I don’t think he’s in there anymore.
I can’t live without him.
It sounds so horrible but sometimes I think it would be easier if he were dead.
Because it’s like he already has.
Theres nothing I can do.

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sun May 05, 2019 10:47 am
by Jack23
HI [mention]EMK[/mention]

Welcome to the forum and thank you for reaching out.
It must be very difficult to try and help someone that has given up.
And even more difficult when you are struggling with addiction yourself.
There are services that can assist you and your partner, you do not need to do this alone, it will take a lot time and strength, be patient with yourself and your partner.
The following are 24/7 Alcohol and Drug Counselling and Referral Services (detox, rehab, support groups, face to face counselling). If you are in -

* ACT call ADIS on (02) 6207 9977
* NSW call ADIS on (02) 9361 8000 and 1800 422 599 (rural)
* Northern Territory call ADIS on 1800 131 350
* Queensland call ADIS on 1800 177 833
* South Australia call ADIS on 1300 131 340
* Tasmania call ADIS on 1800 811 994
* Victoria call Directline on 1800 888 236
* Western Australia call ADIS on (08) 9442 5000 and 1800 198 024 (rural)

Please keep seeking support here and share your experiences.

Take care.

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:40 am
by apples123
That letter made me cry. I want to read it out orsend it to my family but im not ready to tell them... im not ready to be honest with myself....

It's just so hard...

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2019 12:15 pm
by Jack23
Hi [mention]existingnotliving[/mention] and [mention]EMK[/mention] and [mention]apples123[/mention]

How are you all going?

It would be good to get an update from you all.


Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2019 4:55 pm
by apples123

I have good news...

It's been 43 days since i last used ice...
I feel a little lost this week cos I should be happy but I'm not. I feel like something is gonna happen or ill relapse... my mouth and tongue are still very sore and cut up. Grinding teeth still too.
Just very hard still.
And i hate talking about it with friends and family cos they have no idea what this is like.

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 4:09 pm
by Vik
apples123 that's incredible news, you must be so proud of the 43 days. well done!

I love the determination to keep it going and setting new goals.

I hear you in that it's still very difficult, are you feeling any better this week? How's the mouth doing?

I hope that talking to people in our community helps!

thanks for the update, looking forward to hearing about your next milestones.

Take care, vik

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:28 pm
by patriciasmithsydney
If your loved one is an addict, you should encourage them to seek help. Set boundaries, and don't cover up for the person

Disagreements about money, planning for the future, parenting differences, unreasonable expectations around household chores and responsibilities, as well as sexual incompatibility, are just some of the areas in which disagreements occur. With professional help much of this tension can be eased, allowing the relationship to return to a more positive state.

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:02 am
by apples123
Hi all

Good news... I have reached 90 days...
Still doesnt seem real...

It's werid...

But I'm smiling...

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:24 pm
by Calvino01
Wow! Well Done!

That is a massive achievement!
I hope you treat yourself to something as a reward!

Keep up the great work!

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2019 9:35 am
by Vik
[mention]patriciasmithsydney[/mention] welcome and thank you for your post. It sounds like you have had positivie experiences with professional help in the past - would you feel like sharing this with us? It may motivate others.

[mention]apples123[/mention] that really is an amazing achievement!
What has this meant for your life during this time? Are things around you improving? What would you say have been the most helpful tools for getting to this point?

take care

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:15 pm
by Marriedmum
Apple's congrats!!! Amazing amazing work you should be so proud of how far you have come!

Please no-one take offence to my next comment, I'm on the other side here, my husband is a severe alcoholic and very violent when he drinks and it is everyday now and I suspect he is using drugs now also, this post makes 100% sense, and I do understand everything, as I've been there with mental health issues in the past, but when the addict refuses to change, why should the spouse stay and continue to put themselves at risk and damage their mental health and physical wellbeing, if the addict refuses to try. It's such a difficult thing I struggle with daily. How many years of being supportive does one stay for before moving on and letting go?

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2020 1:39 pm
by Lady Bug
Hi [mention]Marriedmum[/mention]

You are exactly right, and sometimes it can take family members a long time to realise this and come to a decision. It's not an easy process, and I think it also comes down to how much strength and courage you can build up at the time to decide when/if to leave. Some people find their tipping point where they simply cannot go one more day living like that anymore and that's when they chose to leave. It's also important to consider any children/ or anyone else living at the home, because that should be a priority to keep them safe too.

Take care,

Lady Bug

Re: To the loved ones of an addict - From an Addict

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2020 2:20 pm
by tea123
Hey [mention]apples123[/mention]

It's amazing to hear about your 90 days achievement!

Just want to check up on how you are doing now?