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  • Do I stay or do I go?

    For friends and family of people with substance problems. Connect with others here to share support and advice today.
    Ally22
    Junior Member
    Posts: 13
    Joined: Wed May 13, 2020 7:26 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Mon Dec 07, 2020 11:15 pm

    @Lady Bug @Calvino01

    Thanks for checking in.
    Things have been up and down. Overall thing have been a lot better than they were 6 months ago. This time of year is always tough. He has remained pretty committed to no drinking in the week aside from one or two times. It’s really hard even though there is improvement. We have plans to sit down and talk about what next year is going to look like and what we’re both going to need from each other to make it work. We’ll see how we go!
    2 x
    HelpfulBee
    Community Builder
    Posts: 143
    Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:59 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Thu Dec 10, 2020 3:32 pm

    Hi @Ally22 ,

    Thanks for keeping us updated! These sorts of things take time, and you're right, there are lots of ups and downs even when there is improvement.

    Sitting down to set goals for next year, and discuss ways to support each other is a such a positive and proactive thing to do. This gives you both the opportunity to really understand where the other person is coming from, and to ensure that you're both on the same page in terms of expectations. It also gives you both the opportunity to validate each other's experience and really be each other's cheer squad. I LOVE THIS!

    What sort of things were you hoping to discuss in this conversation? What sort of things do you want for you both in 2021?

    Looking forward to hearing from you soon,

    HelpfulBee
    1 x
    Starlee
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2020 10:52 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Thu Jan 14, 2021 8:23 am

    @Lady Bug
    Things have been a lot better. I feel like he is more accountable to his family as his brothers will call just to check he’s doing ok. But they will also ask him straight out if he’s been drinking. He’s back to being kind and funny and the kids and I now have a good relationship with him. I know he still drinks but he continues to hide and deny it. It’s nothing compared to before and he must only have a couple as he’s not getting drunk or to the point he looks intoxicated. Hasn’t been drunk since everything blew up and family intervened. Deep down I know the problem is still there, he still refuses professional help but he’s trying his best. I hope everyone else is doing ok.
    2 x
    HelpfulBee
    Community Builder
    Posts: 143
    Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:59 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:58 pm

    Hi @Starlee ,

    It sounds like things have improved a bit in lots of ways, which is great to hear.

    However, it also sounds like there is a little way to go as well which is ok too, these things take time.

    Because you're in a good patch, it might be a good opportunity to think about plans for self-care and support if things were to become difficult again and to strengthen your foundation (so to speak). What sorts of self-care and supports do you have in place?

    Looking forward to hearing from you soon,

    - HelpfulBee
    0 x

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