Welcome to our online peer support community. Connect with others making change in their alcohol and other drug use. Join our online community today.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others. Share your experience & strategies.
  • Safe. Anonymous. Professionally moderated. Free of judgement.

    Join us Mondays at 8pm - 10pm AEST for Monday Meetup.

    Your posts will automatically appear live on the forum.
  • Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    For friends and family of people with substance problems. Connect with others here to share support and advice today.
    Applepie
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2020 7:16 pm

    Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Thu Oct 15, 2020 7:33 pm

    Hi everyone it's been tough discovered my fiance has been using alcohol as a coping mechanism to cope with trauma. Has gone through a lot of trauma and recently through last few years has gone through a lot more and its triggered it. Traune such as almost losing me to a serious accident. Loosing a parent to cancer, loosing a pet pretty much in our arms from a heart attack. And now the remaining parent is battling cancer. There has just been so much happening and I had no idea the burden until recently.

    I've been supporting and hopefully but each time you discover a stash of alcohol after thinking things were going well. Takes a chip from your soul. I even got to the point of documenting the bottles I found as a way to try cope, and I could visually see the change and it moving along to a dangerous path. Light alcohol turning to pure spirits. And not knowing how to cope. Each time you had to leave them alone you return to find them "self medicated" with alcohol. At work, at gym, at shops always on your mind if they are OK to be left alone. Takes a toll and you feel like you are treating them as a child. This concern transforms and you just don't know how to cope you become more concerned and perform regular checks of every inch of the house. I imagine it's nothing like the trauma my partner is battling but it's a battle in its own I'm fighting.

    It just feels like we are taking a step forward and two back. Have arguments when they are drunk because I'm concerned over silly things. Feel like things are on track for recovery and then a relapse and it just hurts. Feels like a future together is slipping away.

    Been pretty much living on one income which adds further stress. Litterally watching our savings slowly fade away just so we stay aflout. Our future plans becoming less obtainable. I want to hold on and have been for so long trying to wait it out for the days that get better. But it is tough feeling so helpless and unable to help in any way except feel like you are babysitting them. Hear them say they have no hopes of a future and nothing to live for. It hurts and is impacting me. And it been such a sensative topic we both battle it alone with no support. Nobody to talk to, nowhere to go due to covid. Locked away with our thoughts nothing to do but think about trauma and pain it seems.

    How do family and friends stay strong? I want nothing more than a future with them. Want to stay strong. But at times it feels like a never ending battle. Stopping a leaking boat with a bucket with holes in it. Just making no impact at all.

    Sorry for the rant just good to get it out even if I get no responses.
    1 x
    Starlee
    Junior Member
    Posts: 11
    Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2020 10:52 pm

    Re: Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Thu Oct 15, 2020 11:01 pm

    @Applepie that sounds tough and good you can have a rant here as it’s a safe place. I don’t really have any advice but wanted to let you know we are here for you. No matter how you feel, don’t bottle it up and take some time to look after yourself. Stay strong x
    2 x
    Ally22
    Junior Member
    Posts: 11
    Joined: Wed May 13, 2020 7:26 pm

    Re: Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:30 pm

    @Applepie It is just so so tough. I can relate the pain you’re going through. It is hard and painful, and even when they’re sober the anxiety, wondering if it will stay that way is overwhelming. It’s sounds like you’re in a tough spot and I wish you all the strength and support. I really recommend listening to the love over addiction podcast. I keep saying it to people, but honestly it has really helped me shift my perspective and give me some control back. Keep us posted on how things are going
    1 x
    MalKumari
    Community Builder
    Posts: 14
    Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 1:23 pm

    Re: Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Sat Oct 17, 2020 11:54 am

    Hi @Applepie ,

    Thank you for sharing your story. :)

    I wanted to start off by saying that grieving the loss of loved ones or coping with potentially losing a loved one is a tough experience to go through and I hope your partner finds strength during this difficult time.

    It is extremely difficult to watch a loved one battle with trauma and it’s even harder to watch them cope with their trauma with the use of alcohol. For you to constantly worry about if your partner could be hurt, to be confused and feel helpless about how to help them is completely normal. However, it can be very stressful. It is amazing to see the amount of love and support you have towards your partner and I am positive that it is an aspect that enables your partner's recovery.

    You are battling with your own trauma, your partners trauma and ways of coping and financial pressures, and it is clear that you are under a lot of stress. During times like this it’s extremely important that you take care of yourself as your health and well-being is a priority too!

    I’m really glad you joined our forum and that @Starlee and @Ally22 have reached out to support you! Our entire peer community is here to support you and are always available to listen to you.

    I look forward to hearing more from you.

    @MalKumari
    1 x
    Applepie
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2020 7:16 pm

    Re: Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Sat Oct 17, 2020 12:31 pm

    Thanks for the support. I has been made clear my partner does want tma future, doesn't want to live like this. And I have made sure to be as supporting as possible. Understanding it isn't easy and not making them guilty for their slip ups.

    My partner has thanked me for this, for always been their even when it could of been all to easy to leave. This encourages me to keep my fight going, as they are still fighting.

    Good news there was a cancellation so we were able to get into a detox centre for more professional assistance so things have changed within last day or so. Looking positive, but at sane time understand it will be a long battle.
    2 x
    MalKumari
    Community Builder
    Posts: 14
    Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 1:23 pm

    Re: Trying to stay strong and hopefully - But feel it slipping

    Sat Oct 17, 2020 1:56 pm

    That's great news @Applepie! :D

    It's amazing to see that you have had a discussion about this and made arrangements to assist your partners recovery. It is also lovely to see the love, understanding and support the two of you have for each other!

    It is a long battle, but nothing good in life comes easy. The two of you will get through this together.

    We look forward to more updates from you!

    Take care of yourself.

    @MalKumari
    0 x

    Return to “Friends and family”