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Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2021 8:51 pm
by Craig PW
Hi @Tiredwife ,

I remember being in the position your husband is now. I remember trying to control it and the struggle and shame when I just couldn't follow through on what I promised myself and those around me. Actually admitting being an alcoholic is hard because of the assumptions I had about what an alcoholic is and what one looks like. I knew my wife was distancing and that I was distancing but just felt powerless. At the same time my pride prevented me from properly engaging in the help I needed. It took me long enough to ask for the help, let alone start to admit how bad it had got and to do what was required. My marriage didn't survive because I wasn't quick enough to fully engage in help.

Have you spoken with your husband about the consequences if he continues to drink this way? There are ways to do this and be supportive as well as set boundaries. In my experience ultimatums don't work but maybe you could tell him that if he seeks support you'll be there with him if he's trying.........but that he has to be seriously trying. At the end of the day you do have to protect yourself and your son from the fallout if he isn't willing to engage in help.

I wonder if a conversation about the extent of the impacts his drinking is having on you and your son might help. Let him know that you want a positive outcome and will support him through the process but if he isn't willing to engage in support that you can't sit by and watch. I think the hardest thing for families is not giving away your own boundaries and ending up frustrated, angry and feeling helpless. Maybe you could check out AlAnon??? It's a support service for families of alcoholics. You may just find people who've been in similar situations and get great firsthand advice on what they did and how they cope.

Encourage him to talk to his GP and start from there. I think people are hesitant to start at Alcohol and Drug services because it's just too big of an admission to have to face up to. If he starts a conversation with his GP it may lead to further progress. Gotta start somewhere and everyone does the journey differently. Baby steps for some but at least they are engaging and progressing. Remember, there will be ups and downs but with your support he may get there.......he has to be willing to engage though because it's pointless otherwise. Offer to help and support but look after yourself at the same time.

I hope this helps........let me know how you go...........maybe get him to read the stories in these pages and he might be able to talk anonymously on here???

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:02 pm
by Craig PW
So much to look forward to with this @Deyfhob..........I hope you can stay focused on the end result whilst going through the process and know that it will be worth it when you get to do those things.

How did the dentist go?

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:30 am
by TheDees
Heya @Jimm , @Justfortoday86 , @Notegrets , and @Ramsey

Welcome to the forums! This is a space to share and support each other, so when you feel ready, we'd love to hear from you!

:D

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:09 am
by Deyfhob
@Craig PW

I definitely will stay focused have come to far to give up now. The dentist went well I had 3 teeth removed I’m on day 2 of recovery from it and I’m feeling very little pain. I’m very excited for the future

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:18 am
by TheDees
Hey @Deyfhob,

Loving that attitude, you're a true star.

That's so fantastic, I'm really happy for you. Congratulations!

Please keep us posted. :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2021 8:10 pm
by Craig PW
Awesome @Deyfhob ...........these are the wins to remember. This is the stuff that gets put off or just doesn't happen when you're in active addiction. When the urges strike try to remember that............think about the process that has started to turn around some of the damage and how good it feels.

Thanks for sharing

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2021 10:08 am
by Deyfhob
@Craig PW thanks so much for your kind words. I definitely have come too far to undo all the hard work and slip.

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Tue May 04, 2021 10:10 pm
by Peace Dove
Hi @MrsDewar,

Welcome to the forums! In this space you'll find some useful information, stories from others that share similar experiences and the support of the community.

Feel free to post an intro about yourself and what has brought you here.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. We're here to help.

:)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 3:24 pm
by Deyfhob
Hi all

Just wanted to drop in and say hello and let you all know I’m all healed up from my dental procedure, so just over a week and I’m almost in no pain at all, a small amount of discomfort but considering I had 3 teeth removed I’m super happy with that. Thank you to everyone who has asked after me it is very much appreciated

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 4:28 pm
by Bamboo [facilitator]
Hi @Deyfhob hello to you too and great to hear that you are all healed from your dental procedure :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 5:36 pm
by Deyfhob
@Bamboo [facilitator] thanks so much hope you are well :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Mon May 10, 2021 1:09 pm
by Peace Dove
Hi @MrsC,

Welcome to the forums! In this space you'll find some useful information, stories from others that share similar experiences and the support of the community.

Feel free to post an intro about yourself and what has brought you here.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. We're here to help. :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Mon May 10, 2021 1:11 pm
by MrsC
Thank-you. Am currently drafting an intro, trying to work out what to share.
I guess a start is a start right? :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Mon May 10, 2021 1:59 pm
by Peace Dove
Hi @MrsC,

Most welcome. And yes, a start is a start. Good job! :)

Re: Introduce yourself here - friends and family

Posted: Thu May 27, 2021 4:46 pm
by ScorpionPW
So happy for you and happy to hear about you healing up all good@Deyfhob, that must be relieving!

How are you travelling at the moment?