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cutting off people

Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2020 4:39 am
by rsz
it seems people i know arent keen to kick their habbits or try change where as i have had enough and have been trying for a while to change my habit... ice...
i have been told and i have come to the conclusion that i need to cut everyone who hangs around / dabbles in the crack scene out of my life completely...
has anyone been in a similar situation whats their thoughts and any advice on this..
did they tell any1 they associated with theyre going underground for a while gave them the heads up or did they cut them off cold turkey??
it just seems in the ice / crack game its all or nothing the shit that comes with it dishonesty, crime, backstabbing, ripping mates off, theiving etc etc the list goes on. nothing good comes from that scene whatsoever.. ive had a guts full lol...
let me know your thoughts peeps....

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2020 4:00 pm
by MalKumari
Hi [mention]rsz[/mention] ,

Welcome to the forum! We are glad you reached out and join our community :)

Thank you for sharing your story!

Yes, changing a habit and abstaining from a substance is extremely difficult when the people around you are still using and when you are constantly around triggers. Spending more time with people who don’t use will promote your recovery.

Do any of our other members have any advice to give [mention]rsz[/mention] on how they handle this situation? :)

Keep us updated on your experience! :D


Re: cutting off people

Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2020 7:31 pm
by Zephyr
Hi @rsz,

Just want to say thank you for contributing to this great topic of conversation. It is sad but true that sometimes making changes to your life may have to involve veering away from certain people that don't always have your best interests at heart. ....And 'maybe' reconnecting with those that may have been left behind for a while :) .......Not always easy..... this can take some courage too!

I wish you all the best and I look forward to reading how others have handled this issue.


Re: cutting off people

Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2020 6:44 pm
by Leonarda
Hey everyone! [mention]rsz[/mention] [mention]Elpida[/mention] [mention]Elsa13[/mention] [mention]ememh[/mention] [mention]EMK[/mention] [mention]Dontknowatall[/mention] [mention]SeekingHelp38[/mention] [mention]Seekingassistance[/mention] - so good to read the posts on Counselling Online and especially about a topic that everyone can relate to. We all have people in our lives who bring you down and who are just a negative energy and seem to force you to make bad decisions - whether at your detriment or towards others. Someone that I was close to was keen for me to sever all my relationships with my family and at the time I did do this, persuaded that my family were the baddies and not the other way around. It took awhile to realise who actually was the 'baddie' and sometimes we DO need to spend time thinking and reflect and think about those in our lives and what they are contributing to our happiness. Do the people in our lives really make us happy? When people, whether friends, family or acquaintances force us to follow a path that we are not comfortable with, we often question ourselves when in actual fact we should be listening to our gut and follow the path of least resistance. And sometimes this can mean cutting people out of our lives in order for us to live a more fulfilling existence and hopefully without drugs or people tempting us to drink again.

It would be great to hear about some of your experiences around having to cut certain people from your lives to start living your life again - how hard was it? What supports do you get from the people currently in your space? What helps you the most?
Looking forward to reading your posts very soon!


Re: cutting off people

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2020 8:37 pm
by Melbourne_Modular
Hi there,

First time on these forums and I can certainly relate to this thread and have found this topic the hardest part of my recovery. I'm an alcoholic who is almost 5 months sober, I've also had drug issues in the past.

So far my journey in sobriety has been extremely isolating (have done so with no support groups or AA) and for the most part that I know hanging around my "friends" is extremely triggering and in a lot of way I feel they don't take my sobriety seriously so I generally have avoided them altogether. It can be so hard to hang-out with old friends when everything you have done in the past revolves around substance abuse. What I've found is that now the alcohol or drugs are not there...there isn't much common ground with these people. And that in itself can make you look back and wonder what you've been doing with these people all these years. How sincere were these friendships? Although sometimes it does feel lonely to not have anyone left to hangout with it does make me realise that all those years I spent partying I was actually just as lonely as I am now, I just couldn't see it because I was in such a mental fog. I look forward to making new friends in my new path in life and I hope you all do too.


Re: cutting off people

Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2020 10:50 am
by Calvino01
Hi [mention]Melbourne_Modular[/mention] and Welcome to the forums!!
Wow! 5 months sober is a massive achievement! We understand how difficult it can sometimes be, especially when we may lose certain friendships along the way. When we do take substances out of our life, it causes our values to change! Right now it sounds like you have gained a high level of awareness of this and that is okay. This is you readjusting and rebuilding a new life with new goals and visions.
I'm sure your journey will be relatable to lots of people here in the forums and inspire many also.

Can you share with us a little more about what strategies worked for you during the last 5 months to help you adjust to no substance use?

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 12:45 pm
by Melbourne_Modular
Thanks for the reply [mention]Calvino01[/mention]

My strategies over the past 5 months have included:

• Listening to podcasts daily (Recovery Elevator & How I quit alcohol)
• Exercise
• Meditation (Headspace app)
• Getting a mental health plan and seeing a psychologist
• Being open with my partner and making myself accountable

I lost my job during COVID. At first this was distressing but in hindsight it is actually one of the things that allowed me to get sober, giving me the time to reflect on my situation and focus on my sobriety. A blessing in disguise one could say. So far I'm feeling so much better although sobriety has created its own set of new problems it is worth the hassle considering where I was when I began this journey.

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 3:54 pm
by tacocat
Hey [mention]Melbourne_Modular[/mention]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your job due to COVID. So many people are struggling during these times....
I'm really impressed that you have taken that job loss and used it as an opportunity for self-reflection and change.

Those are also some great strategies you're incorporating into this change process. I know I've been using podcasts and exercise in particular to keep my head on straight, during this chaotic time. Sometimes even just the distraction of engaging in a podcast can be enough to moderate your mood for the better.

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 4:33 pm
by Melbourne_Modular
[mention]tacocat[/mention] - Thanks for the kind words and yes the podcasts were really a life line for me and helped me to breakdown the decades of social conditioning regarding alcohol and it's role in my life.

The strange thing about getting sober during the lockdown is that you are living in a bubble, so some of the usual triggers (parties, work functions, social events) were not possible which in turn made it easier. Now the lockdown has ended I'm actually finding it more challenging as I'm constantly avoiding social situations and I sometimes find myself wishing I was back in lockdown so I didn't have to face these dilemma's. Sobriety was easier for me when we were all shut off from each other but I guess we all have to face reality sooner or later.

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 5:43 pm
by tacocat
[mention]Melbourne_Modular[/mention] I completely agree that it was much easier to stay on track when everything was shut.
I was really good with my money when we were in lockdown, but since venturing back out to 'the real world' I find myself tempted to engage in past unhelpful behaviours. I'm already finding that the bank balance is not looking as healthy when faced with temptation.

I've found that having that break during lockdown gave me a chance to reassess my behaviours. And now that some of those old patterns have returned, it's easy to remember what a simpler life was, as it is still quite a vivid memory.
It's amazing what a little perspective can do for you...

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 9:21 pm
by Melbourne_Modular
[mention]tacocat[/mention] - Yeah I totally agree. I guess it goes to show that although COVID is a terrible pandemic for the world to be going through, some good has been born out of it. You mentioned a keyword for me there - "perspective", shifting our perspectives on certain habits I believe is a huge part of the process and at times it can be immensely challenging as our habits became so ingrained from years of conditioning into our lives. Although my perspective has changed I do have moments in thought where I revert back to my old and troublesome ways of thinking, sometimes much like a natural reflex. Kudos to you for going and facing the temptation, whatever the result that takes courage. I'm yet to do so myself.

Re: cutting off people

Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 1:38 pm
by teapot
Melbourne_Modular wrote:
Tue Dec 29, 2020 9:21 pm
Although my perspective has changed I do have moments in thought where I revert back to my old and troublesome ways of thinking, sometimes much like a natural reflex. Kudos to you for going and facing the temptation, whatever the result that takes courage. I'm yet to do so myself.
We're all working through life at our own pace. Good on you for knowing your triggers and avoiding them while it feels safer for you to do so :D