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  • Feeling lonely

    This is a space visited by peer workers who have a lived experience of addiction and recovery and is an opportunity to relate to and draw hope from those who have been through similar things as you.
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Feeling lonely

    Sun Apr 18, 2021 2:14 pm

    After doing damage to my teeth thanks to a drug habit now at a point where I’m just so lonely. I don’t go out and meet new people so really have no friends, very limited family members and just feel stuck in a position I don’t want to be in. I feel like I will be alone forever with bad self esteem issues because who could love me. Full of self loathing and just feel disgusted I let myself get to this point
    2 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Mon Apr 19, 2021 8:38 am

    Hi @Deyfhob

    I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that way. Are there any hobbies or activities that you could join as a strategy to meet new people? Making new friends can take time, but it's definitely not impossible. Volunteering can also be a way for you to connect with the community and help you feel better with yourself. Does this sound like something that could interest you?

    Be kind to yourself and don't forget we're here for you. Keep reaching out.

    The Team.
    0 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Tue Apr 20, 2021 6:24 pm

    Hi @Deyfhob,

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely and suffering from so much negative self belief.

    I can remember clearly when I have experienced similar thoughts and feelings, looking in the mirror and being unable to see anything other than the things that I loathe about myself and thinking that nobody could ever love somebody who looked like me, who was different in the ways I was different and who could only find relief through drugs.

    The only way I found a way to view myself differently was through seeking help through peer groups in the community. It was the first time in my life that I felt people genuinely wanted to help me without expecting anything in return. I experienced such a consistent and unconditional kindness that it was almost as if I was loved back to life. Through other people seeing value in me and wanting to get to know me and connect with me when I was completely unable to view myself as worthy of love, that belief eventually started to change.

    I have also known a lot of people who have done significant damage to their teeth through substance use but have managed to get help for these things after getting clean and have learned to live with it and who have ended up with deep connections and in loving, commited relationships.

    I know that my addiction wants me alone, that's when its the most powerful and that's when the voice that feeds me negative self belief gains traction.

    I don't know if this gels with you at all but I'm wondering where you are at in your journey and if you would feel comfortable seeking new connections through peer groups or if you are getting help from anywhere at the moment?
    1 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Tue Apr 20, 2021 7:26 pm

    @ScorpionPW thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share parts of your journey with me. As far as professional help I have never actually sought out any, just have come this far through basically on my own.

    I have been clean for 15 months and know within myself I will never go back to that life. But I am very lonely as I cut all ties with old friends when I decided to end my drug life if you will.

    I am willing to try anything on my journey
    2 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Tue Apr 20, 2021 7:53 pm

    Hi @Deyfhob,

    Congratulations on your 15 months of being clean! It's definitely easier said than done. I'm very impressed you did it without any professional help. That shows serious inner power, strength and determination.

    Cutting ties with your 'drug' circles is a major part of leaving behind that chapter in your life. It's a really tough one tho, for sure. But it also shows your courage and resilience, and a deep understanding of the "better to be alone than in bad company".

    I know this is not exactly the same than meeting people face-to-face, but I do want to invite you to join us if you can/want on the weekend in our new activities (I'll leave you the links below on this post). I also apologise in advance if this sounds like an advertisement, but I do believe it can be an opportunity for you to chat with other members.

    I'm truly glad to see you using the forums.

    Saturdays
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    1 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Tue Apr 20, 2021 10:16 pm

    @TheDees thank you so much I will absolutely join in the forums you mentioned. For me right now meeting people face to face is really a tough thing so it actually suits me very well. Thank you so much for all your support and kind words it really does mean a lot
    1 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Tue Apr 20, 2021 10:38 pm

    Yay! That's really good to hear @Deyfhob. I'm really happy that it's actually an alternative that suits you.

    It's my pleasure. That's what we're here for. :D

    Looking forward to seeing you around on the weekend, but also keep reaching out during the week. 8-)
    1 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:57 pm

    @TheDees

    Yeah I know it’s not for everyone but it’s good for me. Thank you for sharing the links :)
    1 x
    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Wed Apr 21, 2021 2:56 pm

    Cool, we'll see you around on the weekend then @Deyfhob .

    No problem. :D

    Hope you're having a good day.
    0 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Wed Apr 21, 2021 10:51 pm

    @Deyfhob Thank YOU so much for having the courage to jump on here and talk about this stuff, it's not easy to reach out and it's great that you don't wanna do this alone, I take my hat off to you for that.

    That's amazing, 15 months is an incredible effort, I too genuinely admire that you've done that off your own bat. There's some real resilience there and I'm a big believer that learning what we have to learn to be able to stay clean can be utilised in other areas of our lives and can create incredible discipline and the ability to achieve things never thought possible. Well, thats certainly been the case for me.

    I remember having to cut ties with people who I thought were like 'brothers' to me. It was a painful part of the journey for me when all of a sudden I just knew that I HAD to do whatever it takes to stay clean and I wasn't going to let anything or anybody stand in the way of that. I learnt very quickly who my real friends were and who could hang out with me without using and could do other things with me. I too, in the beginning felt very lonely and the only thing that shifted that for me was making new connections in a recovery community in 12 step groups and pursuing my creative passions aswell.

    Have you ever done any 12 step groups, SMART Recovery groups or any other kind of peer support group? And would you like any more information on any of these things?

    It's great to hear you're open to trying new things because peer groups are such a great place to find and meet like minded people that are now living drug free but understand where you're at because they're in the same boat, or have been before. I'm a big believer that the opposite of addiction is connection. It's so true that we have to cut ties with the people, places and things that will bring us undone and go against our recovery but if we don't replace those things with new connections then, as you're experiencing now, it can be a lonely road.
    2 x
    Deyfhob
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:31 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:15 am

    @ScorpionPW

    Thanks so much for all your kind words. I have not done any 12 step recovery groups or such but would be very happy to have some more information regarding these :)
    1 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:43 pm

    @Deyfhob No worries at all :)

    Here is a link for some information on Narcotics Anonymous, maybe have a look at some of the questions on here and see if any of it connects with you:

    https://www.navic.net.au/

    If you do decide that you want to go to a meeting and see what it's all about here is the link for the meetings list:

    https://www.navic.net.au/meetings/

    Let us know how you go and if you have any other questions or want any other info please don't hesitate to jump on and have a chat :D
    0 x
    Katiee
    Junior Member
    Posts: 19
    Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:54 pm

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Sun Apr 25, 2021 4:42 am

    I think it’s very brave of you to come on here and post about this. I know how you feel. I have a missing tooth that is one of my front 4 ones. I hate the dentist so haven’t been to get them looked at even though I probably should. I don’t smile because of my teeth, not with my mouth open anyway. I have learned to live with it now and most of the time I barely even think about it, unless I’m meeting new people. We need to remember that we are so much more then just one part of our body. It’s what’s on the inside that counts, and no drug and alcohol in my opinion can take away someone’s inner core. We aren’t our damaged teeth, we are beautiful humans who are just as worthy of a good life and good connections as the next person.

    The suggestions for smart recovery and NA some really good suggestions. NA might even have some online groups. But they are ultimately for people like you and me who use/d so would be the last place you would be judged. Try not to beat yourself up to much..
    2 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Feeling lonely

    Thu Apr 29, 2021 1:58 pm

    Hi @Katiee,

    I love it!

    I really connect with the way you articulated the fact that we are human beings before anything else. Before any trauma, or substance abuse issues, or mental health struggles. We are people who have great beauty within and recovery is always possible. I know that for me at least, the person I really am never really showed themselves or had the opportunity to flourish until I was in recovery.
    0 x

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