Welcome to our online peer support community. Connect with others making change in their alcohol and other drug use. Join our online community today.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others. Share your experience & strategies.
  • Safe. Anonymous. Professionally moderated. Free of judgement.

    Join us Mondays at 8pm - 10pm AEST for Monday Meetup.

    Your posts will automatically appear live on the forum.
  • Why do you want change?

    This is a space visited by peer workers who have a lived experience of addiction and recovery and is an opportunity to relate to and draw hope from those who have been through similar things as you.
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 76
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sat Dec 25, 2021 7:25 pm

    @Costapo it sounds like you enjoy having alcohol in your life, but things can get out of control. I'm wondering if you have a specific goal around what you'd like your drinking to look like? What would "a beer with the boys" look like, ideally? Sometimes getting really specific about our goals can help us to stick to them in the moment.
    0 x
    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Mon Dec 27, 2021 12:11 am

    Hi @teapot, generally a beer with my 2 boys would be 1 or 2 as they don’t really drink or socialise that much around alcohol. On the other hand if I go for a day out with the boys (mates) this is when it becomes an issue as they consume alcohol like it is water. So I guess it make sense to limit or remove the environments that are the real triggers to make this work.
    On a positive I suppose, I managed to buy a box of non alcoholic zero alcohol over this Christmas period which seemed to satisfy the fix. I was only around family and not my mates so I guess that will be the big test of applying the non alcoholic beer approach to that setting and sticking to it and not coming home blind for my wife to have to go through the crap again and to win back her trust.
    2 x
    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 410
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue Dec 28, 2021 8:29 am

    @Costapo good job on getting the non-alcoholic beer, all of these small changes make a big difference over time. It's also really great you're recognising that your mates can be a drinking for your drinking.

    It can be hard broaching the topic of not drinking with mates, especially if they like a drink themselves. Have you thought of ways to say to them that'll you'll be sticking with the non-alcoholic drinks when you're going out? Just having a few thinks up your sleeve, to brush off any questions or pressure from them is useful.

    Let us know how you're travelling!
    0 x
    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sun Jan 09, 2022 3:08 pm

    Afternoon All, have managed to stick to the non-alcoholic beer options when socialising with friends and even my sons birthday.
    My wife has also changed her approach towards me and noticed the change and also complimented me in being dedicated to eliminate the urge to consume alcoholic drinks in the social environment. The trust is slowly coming back.
    Only a month in but feel I have a grip on things so far and laying the foundations to get back my relationships where they were at with my wife and kids and totally feel better within myself for making the changes.
    Appreciate the support and comments on this thread as motivation to succeed.
    2 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 319
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Mon Jan 10, 2022 9:18 pm

    That's great news @Costapo, thanks so much for sharing.

    I remember how good it felt when the people around me started to notice the change with me being in recovery and started to change how they were around me, more trusting, more calm and above all relieved!

    I too have been enjoying some non alcoholic beers over the summer period and it's been a great alternative, I've been in recovery for nearly 13 years and simply haven't drank in that entire time but it's nice to have an alternative and there's actually some really nice craft non alcoholic beers now haha :D

    It's so fantiastic that you're noticing the changes, feeling better within yourself and using motivation from what you've built to keep going. It's truly a testament to putting the work in each day and then getting the freedom that recovery can bring to our lives.

    I hope you continue to share your journey with us here :)
    0 x
    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:41 am

    Hi @ScorpionPW, 13 years is a magical effort and proves how mentally strong and driven you are to make the change for a better life. This is yet another motivator for me to show that it can be done, simply mind over matter and determination to break through.
    Might have to check out the craft beer options, thanks👌.
    On another note, has anyones partners received counselling for themselves to manage or cope with your drinking issues, as my wife seems to think she may need to seek help or guidance to better understand me and the issue with alcohol. Any recommendations would be appreciated.
    0 x
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 76
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:50 am

    Great question @Costapo

    It's really common that partners seek some support for coping with or better understanding their loved one's drinking or substance use. Two good places to start are:
    The National AOD Helpline: 1800 250 015
    Family Drug Support: 1300 368 186

    Each service is staffed by trained counsellors and will be able to refer to ongoing counselling services in your area.
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 334
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Jan 13, 2022 8:58 pm

    Hi @Costapo.............I've enjoyed reading over your shares and seeing how things have changed for you in your efforts to find solutions. My journey was full of trying to find ways to control my drinking and I tried just about everything............controlled drinking, light beer, counting stubby tops, only drinking on weekends, having a glass of water between each drink and much more but like you once I started there was no stopping. I eventually learned the hard way that the only way I could control my drinking was not to drink at all.

    Non alcoholic beer has come a long way and it had only just started hitting the market when I stopped. If it's working for you then that's awesome. I suppose I did go through a phase of drinking ginger beer in a stubby holder so no-one could tell what I was drinking but I found I craved the effect of a beer and it actually played with my head more than anything because I was waiting for the effect to it and it never did.

    Although drinking cost me my marriage in the end I did find that my relationships improved when I eventually found recovery. My behaviours were consistent and I didn't break the promises I made. Every time I said I was going to stop or control my drinking I absolutely meant it............but once I started there was no stopping. I hope you can concentrate on the positives of not drinking and the value it's adding to your life and relationships. That's one of the things that helps me stay on track. I know if start drinking again I'll just go straight back to the old behaviour, broken promises and strained relationships............it's just not worth it.

    There is a group called AlAnon..........it's a peer group for the families of people with alcohol issues. I'd recommend your wife checks that out because she'll be around people who are working through the same issues she is. I'd love to hear how things go if she decides to go and for you to update us on how things are going for you.
    1 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 319
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Jan 13, 2022 9:59 pm

    I appreciate your kind words @Costapo, but I will definitely say that the I certainly didn't do it alone and getting the right support was the most important thing for me.

    There is a great program called Family Drug & Gambling Help which is a program of SHARC. This program provides counselling, runs support groups and has a 24/7 helpline that anybody can call and get support from somebody who has a lived experience of having a family member or loved one who has been through addiction.

    Here's the link to their website with all their info:

    https://www.sharc.org.au/sharc-programs ... ling-help/
    0 x

    Return to “Peers for Peers”