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  • Why do you want change?

    This is a space visited by peer workers who have a lived experience of addiction and recovery and is an opportunity to relate to and draw hope from those who have been through similar things as you.
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 99
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sat Dec 25, 2021 7:25 pm

    @Costapo it sounds like you enjoy having alcohol in your life, but things can get out of control. I'm wondering if you have a specific goal around what you'd like your drinking to look like? What would "a beer with the boys" look like, ideally? Sometimes getting really specific about our goals can help us to stick to them in the moment.
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    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Mon Dec 27, 2021 12:11 am

    Hi @teapot, generally a beer with my 2 boys would be 1 or 2 as they don’t really drink or socialise that much around alcohol. On the other hand if I go for a day out with the boys (mates) this is when it becomes an issue as they consume alcohol like it is water. So I guess it make sense to limit or remove the environments that are the real triggers to make this work.
    On a positive I suppose, I managed to buy a box of non alcoholic zero alcohol over this Christmas period which seemed to satisfy the fix. I was only around family and not my mates so I guess that will be the big test of applying the non alcoholic beer approach to that setting and sticking to it and not coming home blind for my wife to have to go through the crap again and to win back her trust.
    2 x
    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 553
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue Dec 28, 2021 8:29 am

    @Costapo good job on getting the non-alcoholic beer, all of these small changes make a big difference over time. It's also really great you're recognising that your mates can be a drinking for your drinking.

    It can be hard broaching the topic of not drinking with mates, especially if they like a drink themselves. Have you thought of ways to say to them that'll you'll be sticking with the non-alcoholic drinks when you're going out? Just having a few thinks up your sleeve, to brush off any questions or pressure from them is useful.

    Let us know how you're travelling!
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    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sun Jan 09, 2022 3:08 pm

    Afternoon All, have managed to stick to the non-alcoholic beer options when socialising with friends and even my sons birthday.
    My wife has also changed her approach towards me and noticed the change and also complimented me in being dedicated to eliminate the urge to consume alcoholic drinks in the social environment. The trust is slowly coming back.
    Only a month in but feel I have a grip on things so far and laying the foundations to get back my relationships where they were at with my wife and kids and totally feel better within myself for making the changes.
    Appreciate the support and comments on this thread as motivation to succeed.
    2 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 369
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Mon Jan 10, 2022 9:18 pm

    That's great news @Costapo, thanks so much for sharing.

    I remember how good it felt when the people around me started to notice the change with me being in recovery and started to change how they were around me, more trusting, more calm and above all relieved!

    I too have been enjoying some non alcoholic beers over the summer period and it's been a great alternative, I've been in recovery for nearly 13 years and simply haven't drank in that entire time but it's nice to have an alternative and there's actually some really nice craft non alcoholic beers now haha :D

    It's so fantiastic that you're noticing the changes, feeling better within yourself and using motivation from what you've built to keep going. It's truly a testament to putting the work in each day and then getting the freedom that recovery can bring to our lives.

    I hope you continue to share your journey with us here :)
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    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:41 am

    Hi @ScorpionPW, 13 years is a magical effort and proves how mentally strong and driven you are to make the change for a better life. This is yet another motivator for me to show that it can be done, simply mind over matter and determination to break through.
    Might have to check out the craft beer options, thanks👌.
    On another note, has anyones partners received counselling for themselves to manage or cope with your drinking issues, as my wife seems to think she may need to seek help or guidance to better understand me and the issue with alcohol. Any recommendations would be appreciated.
    0 x
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 99
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:50 am

    Great question @Costapo

    It's really common that partners seek some support for coping with or better understanding their loved one's drinking or substance use. Two good places to start are:
    The National AOD Helpline: 1800 250 015
    Family Drug Support: 1300 368 186

    Each service is staffed by trained counsellors and will be able to refer to ongoing counselling services in your area.
    1 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 457
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Jan 13, 2022 8:58 pm

    Hi @Costapo.............I've enjoyed reading over your shares and seeing how things have changed for you in your efforts to find solutions. My journey was full of trying to find ways to control my drinking and I tried just about everything............controlled drinking, light beer, counting stubby tops, only drinking on weekends, having a glass of water between each drink and much more but like you once I started there was no stopping. I eventually learned the hard way that the only way I could control my drinking was not to drink at all.

    Non alcoholic beer has come a long way and it had only just started hitting the market when I stopped. If it's working for you then that's awesome. I suppose I did go through a phase of drinking ginger beer in a stubby holder so no-one could tell what I was drinking but I found I craved the effect of a beer and it actually played with my head more than anything because I was waiting for the effect to it and it never did.

    Although drinking cost me my marriage in the end I did find that my relationships improved when I eventually found recovery. My behaviours were consistent and I didn't break the promises I made. Every time I said I was going to stop or control my drinking I absolutely meant it............but once I started there was no stopping. I hope you can concentrate on the positives of not drinking and the value it's adding to your life and relationships. That's one of the things that helps me stay on track. I know if start drinking again I'll just go straight back to the old behaviour, broken promises and strained relationships............it's just not worth it.

    There is a group called AlAnon..........it's a peer group for the families of people with alcohol issues. I'd recommend your wife checks that out because she'll be around people who are working through the same issues she is. I'd love to hear how things go if she decides to go and for you to update us on how things are going for you.
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    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 369
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Jan 13, 2022 9:59 pm

    I appreciate your kind words @Costapo, but I will definitely say that the I certainly didn't do it alone and getting the right support was the most important thing for me.

    There is a great program called Family Drug & Gambling Help which is a program of SHARC. This program provides counselling, runs support groups and has a 24/7 helpline that anybody can call and get support from somebody who has a lived experience of having a family member or loved one who has been through addiction.

    Here's the link to their website with all their info:

    https://www.sharc.org.au/sharc-programs ... ling-help/
    2 x
    Costapo
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Feb 03, 2022 2:16 am

    Hi @PnorkelPW and @ScorpionPW, really valuable information that you guys have shared with me and will check out the services you have mentioned. Hope the wife is willing to give them a crack either with me or by herself. Will keep you posted on how things go!
    4 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 369
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue Feb 08, 2022 10:55 pm

    That's great to hear @Costapo! Please do :)
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    MoodyM00
    Junior Member
    Posts: 24
    Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2022 4:56 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sat Feb 26, 2022 10:36 pm

    @Craig PW and everyone else.

    What dont i like about my life and why do i want to change? Love this question ❤️😀

    So for me:

    First half: ‘What dont i like about my life?’
    -I dont like the fact I am a mum of 2 teenage boys who dont live with me.
    -I have massive amount of Trauma and Abuse i still carry around from my childhood.
    -I dont like being so mentally unwell like I am currently.
    -I dont like being different to other people (I have Autism, Adhd, Ptsd, Complex and chronic depression and other mental health issues). I am super good at ‘masking’ just to fit into society.
    -I hate myself for turning to drugs for a second time in my life to numb myself and to slow my brain down.
    -I dont like having no other family except my 2 sons, I feel so alone, abandoned and like i am simply invisible to most people (including my current husband).
    -I hate wasting $300 a week on drugs; its costing me too much and i cant afford it.

    Second half: ‘why do I want to change?’
    -For my sons, I dont want them to not love me. They dont know I use drugs currently. I want to be able to look them in their eyes and say ‘While I am not proud to admit I have had a drug addiction firstly to speed when i was with you dad and then Ice when with……., what i am proud of is that with some extremely hard work, dedication, massive changes in my life I have been able to stop using drugs and have been sober for !!!! (Amount of time)’ at the moment I cant say that to them.
    -I cant afford to keep using so much as i will loose my job, as work does random drug tests. Im sole income earner atm.
    -I need to get on top of my mental health and find better and more effective coping skills and strategies to manage it then turning to drugs.
    -I need to learn how to love myself and how to do self-care because i never have done these before.
    -I need to focus on myself and my needs instead of putting myself last every time and always giving everything i have to helping other people while neglecting myself.
    -I want to be proud of myself and love myself!!

    Recovery Road or Road to Sobriety is going to be hard and long (even harder when my current husband will still be using ice) however I need to do this for me first and my sons second. I need to do it before i loose all control and get swallowed by the horrible drug ice for good.
    2 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 457
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu Mar 03, 2022 9:34 pm

    I love this @MoodyM00 !!! So much thought has gone into the why's, how's, who's and what you want from it all. There's some amazing goals in there too!!.. You've managed to achieve sobriety once........you can do it again.

    How did you do it last time?
    What worked???
    What didn't???
    How can you maintain it this time?
    How did you maintain it before?
    Who can help you achieve your goals?? GP, psych, counsellor, AOD counsellor???

    Your motivations are great..........how are things at the moment?
    2 x
    MoodyM00
    Junior Member
    Posts: 24
    Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2022 4:56 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Fri Mar 04, 2022 10:02 pm

    Thanks for reply [mention]PnorkelPW[/mention]

    Last time when i had a speed (amphetamine) addiction, i found recovery was easier.
    My ex-husband use to inject me with it, even when i didnt want the speed. I was belted and forced it anyway. (So much DV and abuse in that marriage, i have 2 sons with him).
    Cops were frequent to our house due to DV. When i kicked him out on 14/10/2009, the Police assisted. I was also informed by the Police due to the nature of the call out (neighbours called saying i think he has killed her to police). Docs (children’s services) will be involved and if you take him back again then you will loose your sons as this is unsafe and hazards around house from you being thrown through walls.
    So I left the ex husband, repaired house and moved with the sons. I completed a 2yr program with docs about DV and had random drug tests by them, boys were put into daycare (aged 16months &6months at the time of split). I was heavily watched and house visits were frequent. I got cleared by then to keep my sons in my care.

    My ex-husband was the one who always got on and knew connections to dealers, so once he left for me it was easy as i didnt have any connections anyway. I kept reminding myself of consequences if i used and had a positive drug test…,, i loose my sons. So was easy to stay sober. Which i did for almost 11years and then began to use ice as i couldnt get any speed and i was in a bad dark and scary spot mentally and was having suicidal thoughts myself, i was offered some ice and i accepted. I wasnt pressured or forced i completely own that i chose to have it even after being drug free for nearly 11years.

    I have psychologist, counsellor, mindfulness books and worksheets, nurse friends i can get ideas off, music and places like here and smart recovery app to help me this time around to quit my drug addiction before i loose control and loose myself to the drug ice.
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    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 553
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Sat Mar 05, 2022 11:22 am

    @MoodyM00 I really want to say thank you so much for being so open and sharing your story. You have been through so much, and I am so sorry to hear about everything that happened with your ex. You sound like such an incredibly strong and driven person and every post I read of yours, and the more you explain what steps you are taking right now, the more strength and determination I see in you.

    @PnorkelPW
    1 x

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