Hi @CourtNeyy and thanks for sharing what's on your mind
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=126 .................this is a post on here with a suggestion to watch a doco called Pleasure Unwoven. There are some breakdown clips on YouTube and if you search the net you might find a copy available.
I watched this when in rehab and it completely changed my outlook on myself and my addictions. I learnt that it wasn't about a lack of will power or want to change.............it explains the disease model of addiction and after I watched it I felt a sense of relief. I gained understanding and insight into the reason that once I start I couldn't stop. It had always baffled me as to why I couldn't do what other people did and just have a few drinks and go home. I finally started to accept that the only way I would ever control my drinking was by just not having the first one.
My life had been full of decisions to stop drinking up to that point but after a few weeks or months I'd always start again thinking that I'd "be able to control it this time." Every time I started again it got more out of control and before I knew the drink had total control of me. I started to attend AA meetings with a new understanding. AA helped me understand myself and realise that there are plenty of people out there like me.............other alcoholics. Once I understood what an alcoholic is and I met other people who had overcome it I was able to start working on the solutions.
if you have any more questions or would like to know any more about some of the things I've mentioned then please don't hesitate to tag me and I'm more than happy to share.
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