Introduce yourself here - lived experience

[Melody12]

Hi @Mark68

Welcome to the forum, thank you for sharing your story, it takes courage to open up and share your personal thoughts and feelings, and yes you have posted correctly . This forum is an ideal place to share your thoughts, your story and as well engage with others who have and are experiencing similar to yourself.

I'm going to tag our peer workers @ScorpionPW and @PnorkelPW and some other members of the forums for some support and words of advice! @English muffin @WildeReformed Its good to make connections when you first join.

I am @Melody12 one of the moderators and I look forward to reading more from you during the next couple of months.

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @NachoCowBoy and thanks so much for sharing. I often identify with what people share on here but your drinking patterns really resonated with me. Unfortunately I waited far too long to really get help and commit myself to it and lost my marriage and the opportunity to be a full time father.

When I committed to stopping I managed to stop and did so a few times for months at a time. Life would start going well and the thoughts of being able to control my drinking would set back in. Every time I picked up again though my drinking would be out of control again within a short space of time. What I never put together was that the only reason life ever felt like it was going well was because I wasn’t drinking.

What I learnt on my journey was that I am an alcoholic. I’m built differently to other people. Once I have one drink I can’t stop. My drinking causes problems for me and for those I love. The only way I can have any control over my drinking is to not drink at all.

It sounds like the impacts are being felt by everyone around you and that you really want change. Are you willing to accept a life without alcohol??? What’s more important to you………….alcohol or your family??? Unfortunately I tried to have it all and lost what was actually important. These days after 6 and a half years without a drink I have a great relationship with my ex-wife and my daughter who I see once during the week and every second weekend………….but I wish that sentence read wife and daughter and I lived with her full time.

Making change isn’t easy and I think the support network you’ve put in place is amazing………..doctor, counsellor, psych. 6 days without a drink is awesome and I hope you’re proud of that!! Have you considered going to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings or SMART Recovery meetings? I wouldn’t be where I am in my recovery without AA. Meeting other people who were trying to stop drinking was amazing and I found out that all the troubles I’d had they’d had too. They also had solutions. No two stories are the same but sharing those stories with people who understand can’t be underestimated. I met people wo had managed to put together days, weeks, months, and multiple years of sobriety. Having them to lean on for support was phenomenal.

Let me know if any of this helps and if I can offer any support then please let me know. Just be sure to tag me in your post so I get a notification and can respond.

[4TAH]

Hi everyone, My name is Pearl, and it’s my first time on the forum. Im addicted to methamphetamines and GHB/GBL. I feel like right now, my addiction is at its peak, and if I don’t reduce the frequency and amount of GHB/GBL that I consume, I will end up dead. For the first time in my life…. Im actually scared… I doubt I’ll be alive in 6 months if I don’t make some big changes soon. 🫶

[Sainter]

Hi @4TAH ,

Welcome to the forum, thank you for sharing your story regarding your meth and other drug use. It takes a lot of guts to tell others about your drug use and your current feelings about it.

The forums are pretty quiet at this time of the morning. However I am sure you will get some conversation going with others who are going through similar experiences when the community wakes up.

Cheers,
Sainter

[Lhiver]

heya @4TAH good on you for reaching out, as @Sainter says, it shows so much strength.

I can hear your fear, have you tried to cut down or reduce previously?

@PnorkelPW @ScorpionPW

[Lhiver]

Good morning and welcome to our new members @Borny @Lucky14 @Stormy66

This is a space for you to find support and connect with others! when you feel ready you can use this thread to introduce yourself!

If you have any questions please use the @ symbol to tag myself, @SunflowerSeed or our wonderful PWs @ScorpionPW and @PnorkelPW

[SunflowerSeed]

Hey @Mark68 ,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and have been through but you managed to reach out for help so well done! It is good to hear you have try different supports in the past. It is a helpful way to find out what works for you.

You've mentioned you had some suicidal thoughts and they are scary. You are going through a tough time and that might be why these thoughts come and go. The good thing is you are seeking help and good on you for recognising these thoughts and shared them here.
This forum is a good and useful peer-support platform where you can look around for some useful strategies others have shared. It is also a good support to have in between sessions for other support you might have in the future. There are some other services available as well. SMART Recovery is a good peer-support service where they have both online and face-to-face meetings weekly for people have addiction concerns. And here is their website. Have a look if you think you might be interesting in that.
If you would like more resources, please @ myself or @Lhiver .

Keep us update on how you travelling. One other important thing is be nice to yourself! Be aware of your strength and all the efforts you have put in~

[Mark68]

Thanks @SunflowerSeed and @Melody for your reply and words of encouragement. This has been such a long journey, and in more recent years I have made many attempts to address my dependency, and to get some deeper level understanding of why I have an issue with dependency, and why I just can't seem to break the cycle!!

I have had some success along the way, but we're talking nothing longer than a fortnight, and then the relapse is usually lengthy and low....I have always understood the concept of not allowing a lapse to become a relapse but in practice I have never succeeded with this effort....and then before you know it 3 months has passed and the consumption levels have escalated beyond what they were pre-relapse!! On the positive side, this latest effort follows a 3 day binge that came on the back of 7 days abstinence, so perhaps my first relapse prevention It's only day 2 though!!

I have used SMART before with some success, but I think the truth of it all is that I need to make an absolute commitment to staying connected with the peer support program....even when things aren't going well. I found that 'formal' supports (clinical / medical) were largely ineffective, perhaps because they were unavailable when I really needed them....residential was great, but once you are exited it's the same old dilemma of not having supports available when you really need them....be that 4am in the morning or 4pm in the arvo.

Anyhow, I made myself a 7 day plan yesterday using the Counselling Online template, so I have a couple of simple goals to hold my focus for the next week, and then I will need to reassess and set some new goals...or just maintain the ones that I have set.

Thanks again all

[SunflowerSeed]

Hi @Mark68
Needing support in between the 'formal' support is quite common. Well done for realising and finding what you need.
Good that you made a 7-days plan, writing things down and being able to actually see them can be helpful. Here is some tips about goal setting on the Counselling Online website. This page have some useful information about goal setting. If you haven't already, I encourage you to have a look~

One thing I want to mention to you is that also pay attention to your physical health. Alcohol withdraw can be dangerous depends on individual's use pattern. So don't hesitate to go to your GP if you feel unwell.

We are here to support you and help you in your journey~ Keep up the good work!

[PocketRocket88]

Hi everyone! I have a pseudonym as PocketRocket88 because I am a little pocket rocket most specially when I’m on Methamphetamines. I’ve had a problem with Meth since last 2013 (robot too long after the death of my favourite auntie/Somewhat like my mom. I think grief was the initial reason why I started using, it is to numb that pain and sorrow I was feeling. But now a days I’m Using because it’s the only way I can keep myself safe from myself.

I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, Anxiety, Depression anda high risk for suicidality. I’ve been to 4 rehabs in one year most of which was me lasting for nearly 3 months the last one was nearly 4 months. The reason I’ve been discharged is because of my suicidal ideations and urges which makes me a very high risk for suicide/Self harm hence rehabs (even the dual diagnosis one’s) are abit weary of letting me into their program because of my mental health issues.

I love colouring/doing artwork before (it used to be my comedown activity) but a year or so ago I kinda lost my motivation to do them. I’m just now slowly getting back into creating something (I’m now trying bejewelling). I currently am working which is good coz it keeps me busy but it doesn’t stop me from using.

What I want to get from this forum are ways to cope with the suicidal ideations and urges when I’m coming off meth and be able to cutback from 2points a day to one a day to hopefully one day stop all together. I know that I don’t hav ether will power to do it myself but hopefully with the right tools I will be able to get the will to quit.

I want to learn how other are able to do it, what helped (therapy, tools and medications) and what didn’t.

So yea thanks for letting me post this.

[PocketRocket88]

Hi everyone! I have a pseudonym as PocketRocket88 because I am a little pocket rocket most specially when I’m on Methamphetamines. I’ve had a problem with Meth since last 2013 (it wasn’t too long I started using after the death of my favourite auntie/Somewhat like my mom. I think grief was the initial reason why I started using, it is to numb that pain and sorrow I was feeling. But now a days I’m Using because it’s the only way I can keep myself safe from myself.

I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, Anxiety, Depression anda high risk for suicidality. I’ve been to 4 rehabs in one year most of which was me lasting for nearly 3 months the last one was nearly 4 months. The reason I’ve been discharged is because of my suicidal ideations and urges which makes me a very high risk for suicide/Self harm hence rehabs (even the dual diagnosis one’s) are abit weary of letting me into their program because of my mental health issues.

I love colouring/doing artwork before (it used to be my comedown activity) but a year or so ago I kinda lost my motivation to do them. I’m just now slowly getting back into creating something (I’m now trying bejewelling). I currently am working which is good coz it keeps me busy but it doesn’t stop me from using.

What I want to get from this forum are ways to cope with the suicidal ideations and urges when I’m coming off meth and be able to cutback from 2points a day to one a day to hopefully one day stop all together. I know that I don’t hav ether will power to do it myself but hopefully with the right tools I will be able to get the will to quit.

I want to learn how other are able to do it, what helped (therapy, tools and medications) and what didn’t.

So yea thanks for letting me post this.

[ScorpionPW]

Hi @4TAH, thanks for being so open and honest and I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rough spot.

I remember how scary the end of my using was as well. I was afraid of losing my mind and not coming back and started to have thoughts that were really worrying. It wasn't until I reached a place like this, completely desperate, without any shadow of a doubt that I needed help, completely backed into a corner by my addction that I was willing to do literally whatever it took to get clean. I remember being told of the gift of desperation in the early days, it didn't make much sense to me at the time but I came to understand it was the moment where somebody ends up in such a dark place that they are propelled to do anything they can to change things.

Reaching out and admitting that you are in the place you are, not denying it or trying to see it as being not as bad as it is, is a huge first step so seriously well done for that.

I'm wondering if you've got a GP you can reach out to? They can help with detoxing safely and possibly a referral to a stay in a medically assisted detox. Also curious if you've ever tried any support groups or counselling before or if this is the first place you've reached out?

Either way, if you'd like any info about some places you can get help then we'd be happy to share any details we can. And of course, we're always here if you just wanna touch base and talk about what's going on for you. I hope you can stay safe and continue to reach out on the forums.

[SunflowerSeed]

Hello everyone, hope you all doing well.

Let's welcome out new members @MoogensMcGee @NB09 @Fuckdup80 @WillTestAccount

This forum is a safe and judgement free space for you to share your story and connect with peers. Feel free to introduce yourself in here.
If you have any question, don't hesitate to @ myself or @Lhiver. We also have two lovely peer workers here, @ScorpionPW @PnorkelPW , they will also be able to provide you information or strategies they found useful.
Looking forward to see your post soon~

[SunflowerSeed]

Good morning all~
Warm welcome to our new member today~ @Sharri

This forum is a safe space for you to connect and get support fro each other. Don't hesitate to post if you have anything want to share or ask. You can always @ me or @Lhiver or our peer workers @ScorpionPW @PnorkelPW. Our peer workers have experiences and knowledge which they are more than happy to share with you~

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @Mark68 ……….welcome to the forums and thank you for opening up

It sounds like you’ve been on quite a journey with your drinking over the years and accessed all the supports available. I fund that as my drinking progressed I was powerless to stop it. I tried everything to control it but nothing worked. I’d take breaks for a few months and when I picked up again it just got worse……….and quickly. Every drinking door I unlocked took me further downhill and I did things I said I’d never do……….and they became the new normal. When I found the morning drink my life spiralled out of control and I was powerless to stop it.

I was managing a pub at the time and drinking a lot every night. I woke up one morning and thought the only way to fix how I was feeling was a drink. In no time that was every morning and before I knew it I was spending 7 days a week drinking from the moment I woke up to whenever I passed out. I considered myself a high functioning alcoholic too…………what I discovered over time is that I was just another everyday alcoholic. There is no high functioning about it. I am an alcoholic……….it’s just that simple. The only way I can have any control over my drinking is not to drink at all.

I waited too long and lost the marriage, jobs, money, respect. The suicidal thoughts came and built over time and I actually came seconds from completing it except for a twist of fate. The longer my drinking went on the more I got scared because of the things I said I’d never do becoming commonplace. Ultimately the thing that got me sober was that I could see I was heading back down an extremely dark path at one stage and I didn’t want to go back there because I was afraid I wouldn’t come back. I decided that I deserved better from my life and that as long as I was drinking and drugging that was never gonna happen.

You’ve done a lot of the work with rehabs, professionals, etc. I feel like you’ve been given a lot of the strategies and have done a lot of work on understanding yourself, triggers, etc. What it’s gonna take for you to put it in place and maintain it??? I can’t begin to understand the early trauma you went through but as you said it started your drinking and led you down this path. Understanding what was driving my drinking was key to me making change. Understanding the resentments I was holding onto helped me unlock the solutions………….and the solution isn’t drinking. The solution was to work through those issues.

Well done on making it 7 days and I’m not surprised you broke out and smashed it after that. This is an individual path for everyone and involves different solutions. There’s one thing that’s common for everyone though and that’s that trying to do it alone is damn near impossible. What supports do you have in place at the moment?? Do you have a plan or are you just trying not to drink?? Have you worked out a plan of attack with a drug and alcohol counsellor, GP or psych?? Who are you going to call for support if you feel like a drink???

What’s worked in the past?? What hasn’t??

I’m more than happy to support however I can and to share my experiences of addiction and recovery if you have any questions. Just be sure to tag me in the post so that I get a notification and can respond.

It sounds like you’re just about ready for change……………are you????