Three weeks clean

[Azura]

Yes three weeks clean. Am through the intense physical and major mental stuff. Now I can build up my good things. Things I would miss out on if I were using . Repair some tears and cracks in relationships.. And just keep practicing gratitude.

[Firehorse]

Hi Azura ,
Thank you reaching out and sharing your great work
What are some of the good things you would like to build on?

Yes repairing relationships and building connections is very important and sharing your vulnerability.

Practising daily gratitude really helps to re-enforce daily mindfulness and positive thinking .

keep reaching out and talking

[Azura]

Yes another week ! Am so glad I made the decision to quit using. the good things are really about feeling ok with myself around people. But I've been having some really nice moments with people and I guess it boosts my confidence. Just trying to be kind to myself and others and get through . Have a great plan for the weekend and really looking forward to it. It's a trigger of a weekend being mother's Day but I'm feeling good about not only getting through it but enjoying it. If I was still trying to balance using and social life I would be dreading it. So that's all good.

[CaptainKirk]

Really amazing to hear Azura! Enjoy all the moments that are meaningful and teaching. The one good thing about hauling yourself out of your using life is appreciating and acknowledging the small pleasures, and observations, and the confidence that this brings. Keep at it! And check in when you need to.

[Azura]

Another week clean . And it's been a hard week . The weekend left me feeling very overwhelmed and low. It's been a flat week and the never ending rain creates this gloomy atmosphere in my head. Have had a good conversation with a counsellor and we talked about recognising the vulnerabilities in feeling low. In regards to cravings . This means I can plan accordingly. Not that knowing makes it easier to get motivated and feeling ok. But am glad I do know there is a mega low with this.

[Lhiver]

@Azura good on you for getting through another week! It sounds like while it was tough, you recognised the struggles you were having and and sought out support! That shows a lot of determination. As you say, this is a journey with mega lows, but if you keep approaching them in such a pragmatic way, you'll find you have the strength and support to get through them!

Also I 100% agree, the gloomy weather really doesn't help lift ones mood

[Azura]

Another week and still haven't used. Been a flat week but managed some good bits in there. The weekend stretches ahead..I feel quite isolated I guess I feel like I have lost alot of connections I had.

[izy3]

Hi @Azura You have been doing great you have achieved another week clean, really well done.

I can hear sense of loneliness has kicked in and you feel a bit flat.
Reconnecting with things and people can start with something small. Please be gentle on yourself this weekend and hope you can do something that will make you feel a bit better. Take care.

[Lhiver]

@Azura three weeks is a tremendous effort!

Isolation and feeling that you've lost connections is a painful place to be sitting in. Often when I look back on connections I've lost, one of the first things I ask myself is whether those people would serve me now at the place I'm in. Often people who drop off drop off because they don't allow us to reach who we want to be.

How are you travelling today?

[Azura]

Yeah doing ok. Am glad it's Sunday night and the weekend has passed without any drama and not too much discomfort. I pretty much just watched stuff on world movies.

[PnorkelPW]

You're doing really well @Azura ............life changes when you're getting clean and connections do drop off but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I stopped seeing my friends for a while but the real friends understood and stuck around. When I felt ready to start catching up again they were there. When I needed help they were there.I don't see them as often and when we catch up it's under different circumstances and doesn't involve the partying..............but they're still friends.

Give yourself the time and space you need, the real friends will remain. I actually found the experience quite positive when I was able to reflect on it further down the track. There's a saying I love: "Surround yourself with people who drag you up, not pull you down". It was only through this process that I was able to understand who the people that were there to help me up were. The others disappeared because they only wanted things from me and were never there to give as well.

I'm not sure if you've tried NA meetings at all??? They can be a great way to establish new connections with people who are trying to stay clean too.

Keep up the good work...........I hope things are still going well

[Azura]

Still have not used and it is really nice not to be thinking about it all the time. I have had a short stay in hospital which was mostly positive. And have enrolled in a short writing course. It helps to have things on since leaving work during the relapse. And am finding easier to feel connected to people in general. I didn't realise how much time I spent on drugs and all that comes with it.

[ScorpionPW]

Hi @Azura, it's been so inspiring reading this thread and seeing you face the ups and downs of the early days but managing to get through without picking up.

I remember it being real rollercoaster ride for me as well, all of a sudden being in reality 24/7 and all that comes with it. It's so great to see that you're fronting up and getting through day by day. building the supports that are working for you and continuing on the journey.

How relieving is it when the obession gets lifted?! It was honestly one of the most relieving moments of my life when I was able to get up, clear minded and get through the day without being fixated on using anymore...Freedom!

That course sounds good, is writing something that you're passionate about and that you've done before or just something you wanted to have a go at?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @Azura ................I'm a bit late to this but it's great to see that things were going well for you. Just wondering how things are at the moment???

[Cakie181]

Well done,what's your addiction? Mine is varied,i'm an addict of addictions,severe and heavy alcohol use/abuse,pot,prescription drugs like pain killers and sleeping tablets,benzo's mostly and endone and oxy when i could get my hands on some, also cigarettes,quit a few months ago with help of champix medication,but have gone back to having the odd smoke here and there,just not chain smoking like i once was,havent had a drink or any cones since november last year,and was very lucky to go thru quitting everything,gear,cigarettes,pot,alcohol,and prescription benzo's all in a couple of months all up at the one time,all without going thru painful detox or withdrawls or cravings like at all,and with no help or support at all,no friends to lean on as i made the choice of having to need to cut these people out of my life,as they would just keep offering me drinks and gear and pills,even when they knew i was trying my best to quit and limit my gear (ice/meth) use to only a little taste once a month,instead of every other day,and i dont use needles or smoke it,i just eat it,i believe that it's just a little safer,easier to throw up and get rid of it from in the system easier,so that's my belief,whether or not it's actually true or not is another matter.....i suffer with a few mental health issues and disorders,like adhd just to name one issue,and was on dex to treat my adhd,but my psych died and then covid hit,and then and now it's just impossible to get in to see a psychiatrist to get put back on my muchly needed medication,and i've found that with taking the gear on the odd fortnight,i can focus much muuuch better,can pay attention to things,people,conversations,and things going on around me,but hey,yeah....ya get that....i gave up the gear use for roughly 6 months,again with no help or support systems in place,but found it so bloody hard to focus and to pay attention to my surroundings,i started using again,just spending $100 a fortnight on the gear,money that was getting spent on cigarettes,and more too....anyway,i've managed to go off track,again today,so for that,i am sorry! I've signed up for the text message supports and have found them very useful,as before,i didnt even know about this site even existing for people like myself....i've learnt to recognise most of my triggers,and have noticed that my daughters ex-husband is a major trigger (him and i are pretty close friends still) but being around him sets off many trigger issues,as he is a big gear user,aswell as over-dosing regularly on oxazepam and diazepam and valium,any and all downers when he cant get gear,he's either up on it,or sleeping off a benzo binge,like taking 7 to 10 30mg oxazepam and 2 20mg olanzapine doses,passes out and yeah,i'm worried about him,but he doesnt see it that he has some kind of problem and or issue of substance use and abuse....daniel would go into dan murphys every second day to steal 2 1litre bottles of vodka slid down the front of his jeans and just manage to walk out of there,as calm as can possibly be,and we would go thru those 2 1ltr bottles in a 2 day period,drinking as of waking up until we passed out cold,this was going on every single day for approx. 6 to 7 maybe 8 months,and it was just way way out of control!! He did eventually get caught,and is currently waiting on a summons to appear in court at some stage....gave up alcohol and pot use in a one month time period,at once,due to a pretty bad fall down 4 steps at my mums house,totally legless drunk and stoned,lost my footing on mums front porch,and went feet over head down the brick and concrete steps and bashed my head on the corner of concrete foundations jutting out of where i landed,slicing a nice size and deep gash right between my eye and my temple,i would've been dead if it was any closer to my temple,and since then,november last year,i gave up the pot and alcohol,as that fall gave me a very real wake up call indeed.....again,going off track and off topic.....i do research on my phone when i'm gearing,taking down notes and information to help me with advice and supports available to me now that i've found this site,...
So yeah,what are your triggers and subjects of use and or abuse? I truly do believe that the first month or so are the hardest to go thru when trying to give up or to lessen your substance use...i have tips and goals all written out in my journal,where i try to be thankful and grateful for the simple things in this lifetime with certain current issues and goings on all around this wonderful world of ours....so yeah,think i should stop and put my phone down now,or i'll just continue to ramble on about pretty much nothing for longer....i had to cut alot of so-called "friends" out of my life coz they kept putting stresses and pressures on me to join them in their drug and alcohol useages etc and so-on and so-forth,,now i'm just left with my ex son-in-law,who is a big trigger for me aswell,but hey,i've managed to limit my times around him now,which has made it just slightly easier on me and my state of being in....