Turning the negative into positive

[PnorkelPW]

Thanks for the tag @Lhiver ..............I love this thread. I just wrote something along these lines over on Monday Meetup but I'll think about something else that's happening at the moment. There's a lesson in everything and it's cool that you can see the need to slow down.

Of late I've been wondering if I'm going to be single forever because relationships keep breaking down for the same reason...............I'm just too busy and can't give a relationship the focus needed to sustain it. I've been able to reflect on this a fair bit and get to a space of gratitude that I have a full life that overall satisfies me. I'm comfortable with my own company these days and can happily spend time on my own without the need for drugs or alcohol to make me feel okay. I've also started to wonder if I need a relationship or if I'll be happily single forever.................and that I've been able to meet some amazing people along the way and remain friends with some of them for years.

[ScorpionPW]

Hi @Lhiver,

Thanks so much for sharing, such a good reminder to pause and focus on some self care. I can really relate to putting pressure on one self, always expecting myself to be capable of more but I need to remember that I'm human!

I think I need to reframe my relationship with my mum at the moment. I have found her to be really frustrating with the way that she goes into controlling behaviour compulsively and is sometimes not capable of not going into it. But at the same time she is so generous, kind and helpful. I think by letting go of the stuff that doesn't matter, having boundaries when I need to and trying to remain in a place of gratitude for what she does bring into my life it will help me to feel less frustrated. Reframing it in a way where by letting go of the things she does that I find frustrating it can open me up to appreciating the wonderful things she does and brings into my life.

I'd be interested to know what other things people find it helpful to reframe?

[Iwillbeok]

It's been a tough week
Still feel a bit disappointed in myself, have cut back heaps, but feel I should be doing more/better. I'm not very kind to myself yet!
Work is so rewarding, but so tough.
I work with Preps and grade 1's who have missed out on so much social and normal stuff due to covid.
Teaching about friendships and relationships, being able to talk and be with others is so hard,. they've missed out on so much, it takes so much to try and integrate them, but also soooo rewarding.
Hubby and I are taking time to talk every week and check in to see how I'm coping. He is my rock, but I do know I have to be more gentle and kinder to myself. I know this is a process, I know i have to keep building on my strengths and forgive myself my weaknesses, holding on to the knowledge that I have the support of the love of my life.
I keep telling myself my tag - I will be OK
I've begun to look up new recipies to spoil my family and keep me busy planning and ordering my pantry, I love to cook and it is a great way to keep me centred and grounded, because you need to focus and add your own dash of finesse, especially with a couple of fussy eaters.
Thank you all for being there for all of us too.
xo

[ScorpionPW]

Thanks so much for sharing @Iwillbeok, I can relate to what you're saying, it took me a long time to learn how to be kind to myself and I can still be quick to get the whip out if I'm not travelling too well.

It's so great to hear how rewarding your job is and how much you get from it. Anything that can give a sense of purpose and give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning can be so incredibly helpful when you're trying to make changes and seek recovery.

Self love and care is certainly a process. I know when I feel vulnerable and anxious about things is when I'm the most likely to be hard on myself. I really like what you said about building on your strengths and not being hard on yourself or forgiving your shortcomings.

I feel like every week you're finding new things to bring value and purpose to your life and it's just so nice to see. What are some of the recipes you're the most excited about?

[Iwillbeok]

Low fodmap sheet pan fajitas, low fdmap fajita tray bake, sorry am a problem child with my gut.having said that my family can't get enough of some of my fav recipes.
Very gut friendly and yummy to boot. Viery used to trying to make my gluten free stuff separate to them, these two, we have no probs!




On sad note, just lost a very special friend and neighbour, he was in his 80's, but it's still hit hard, honorary grand father, kind hearted and a great friend, no longer in pain, but means you face your own mortality.

Makes me want to be everything I can be for my family, may go through a fair bit of Vanilla Coke this week :/

[ScorpionPW]

Oh nice @Iwillbeok, my dads partner had to go on a low fodmap diet as well and she makes some incredible food! Yum!

Sorry to hear about your friend and neighbour. I remember the first big loss I experienced in recovery was so hard, all of a sudden there was no buffer, I had to face up to my feelings and couldn't run from them anymore. Somebody said something to me that was a massive penny drop moment. They said "your feelings can't kill you". It was from then that I started to learn that with the right support around me, I could give myself permission to feel my feelings without needing to be so afraid. It had become such a habit for so long to stuff any negative emotions down as quickly as I could because I convinced myself that I couldn't cope with feeling them. This couldn't have been further from the truth and now I embrace the opportunity to feel difficult feelings without needing to run from them. It's a reminder that recovery has give me permission to be human, and to be human is to feel everything. All the highs, all the lows and to be present in the experience.

I hope you pull through and thanks so much for sharing

Also, if you put the @ symbol before mine or anybody else username then it will tag us so we'll be sure to respond when you post something.

[Lhiver]

hello hello everyone! I think it's time for a bit of re-framing this weekend!

I've had a really busy week and have felt like I'm being puled in a thousand directions, however it has given me the opportunity to practice setting boundaries and ensuring I create space for myself to breath. It can be hard to remember to do both, but being busy forced my hand a bit and I'm relieved I've had the chance to keep practising my boundary setting and self-care.

how about everyone else? @Ripple @Elowe333 @af @ScorpionPW @PnorkelPW @Cakie181 @Lone drinker @missella

[PnorkelPW]

I like the idea of reframing @Lhiver . I don’t always find it easy but over time I’ve learned that being able to look at things differently allows me to find solutions I might not have considered. Talking to other people about my problems helps me find different solutions too. That’s something I haven’t always been good at it when I find that I’m feeling the pressure of life more than usual it’s usually because of fallen into the trap of trying to solve everything myself. I have to remind myself that I don’t have to have all the answers and I don’t have to do everything. It’s only through sharing that with other people, asking for help but more importantly accepting the help, and not trying to do everything that life gets simpler. You mentioned boundaries and that’s where saying no has become self care for me………….and it’s amazing what a difference saying no makes sometimes.

I think some things at work helped me too. Learning to delegate there has helped ease the stress I was under. Not trying to do everything and getting other people to do some of the tasks allows me to support them to get things done and share the workload.

I’m now having almost three weeks off work too and I have a lot on my plate with renovations about to start on my house. It’s stressful coz I’ll have no bathroom and a portaloo in the backyard for 4 weeks. It’s a massive impact on my usual routine and will be uncomfortable. I’m just trying to let go and not control everything. Things will happen and I need to just let the tradies do their jobs. My reframing is that I don’t need to be in control and if I let other people do their jobs it’ll be easier for me. It will be uncomfortable and I just need to accept that.

[ScorpionPW]

Love reading these things...

Setting boundaries, not over extending myself and allowing time for self care is something that is so so important to me but took a long time to actually be able to do @Lhiver. Also, to actually give myself permission to do this without feeling like I wasn't doing enough or being hard on myself. It took me to experience burn out to learn that if I get to that point then I'm no good to myself or anybody else so it's absolutely non negotiable now that I keep certain boundaries in place to look after myself.

What you're saying @PnorkelPW about letting go of control and accepting a period of discomfort is huge. Hope all your renovations go well and the result is everything you hope it to be!

Reframing for me this week is about accepting that it's ok if I don't get everything done that I want to during my time off work and actually allow myself some time to relax and enjoy myself, it took a week to slow down so I'm glad I've got this week as well to restore!

It's so easy to take for granted the ability to take leave from work, be paid and have the luxury to practice self care. Yet even in this position, still struggle to do so. It's a real eye opener and It's been great reading this and reflecting on how priveleged I am as well as how I can shift my perspective to get the most out of the rest of my time off.

Thanks for sharing!

[ScorpionPW]

I thought I would take this opportunity to talk about a negative that really turned around for me this week at the drop of a hat.

I had somebody from my past who ended up being a very toxic relationship for me show themselves again and cross serious boundaries that I had in place for me and my son.

I confronted them respectfully and pulled them up on the breach of the boundaries and they proceeded to threaten me, even going as far as saying they will intrude on my workplace by getting a job there.

I really wanted to send them a message to let out what I saw as being righteous anger. I ran it by a few of my close people and they all said it was a bad idea to send the message, so I bit my tongue and listened.

Yesterday, I spoke to my workplace about the potential conflict of this person getting hired and ended up being so looked after and backed by my manager that I feel so incredibly relieved now.

I have been shown, yet again that if I do the next right thing, let go, don't try and control the outcome and follow guidance as opposed to bulldozing my way through based on what I think is best, I am always looked after and end up where I need to.

It's a lesson I have learnt many times and I suspect I will many times again. For me, this is a real example of recovery in action because it's doing something different. It's putting my action in the right place regardless of what I'm thinking or feeling which is difficult to do sometimes!

I would love to hear anything else anybody would like to share around negatives becoming positives

[Lhiver]

Good morning all! Happy Saturday! I hope it's a bit less wild and windy where you all are!

This week I've been thinking a lot about how negative emotions and situations can lead to positive changes and really guide our motivation. There have been a few situations recently which have been pretty difficult to deal with and have impacted me negatively in a number of ways. It hasn't been ideal, however, it has motivated me to seek more change and work out what I need/want to do to improve things. By being faced with crappy situations I now have a clearer idea of things I want to work towards and how I want my life to look!

I know a lot of people here will understand how negative situations can allow for positive growth!

@Judas @ScorpionPW @PnorkelPW @lille @Shazzie @Shazlee @Mariamartian @Thirdy @Brock10 @MKA @Stu B

[PnorkelPW]

@ScorpionPW it sounds like you handled that situation very well. That's hard when emotions run high.

[PnorkelPW]

Nice one @Lhiver ..........being forced to look for solutions from a fresh perspective and make choices we wouldn't usually make can be a real positive. I hope the new direction leads to more positivity for you

[PnorkelPW]

Sometimes it's easy for me to get wrapped up in the negative, especially if there's a few things going on and they not going my way. I find a lot of the time it's because I'm trying to control too many outcomes when the reality is i can't control any outcomes at all. What I can do though is control how I respond to them...........not that I always do.

I had an example of this in the lead-up to Christmas and I'm still dealing with the fallout. The relationships between two important people in my life and I hit a wall, work was difficult, and I'd started to feel like some of my behaviours were out of control. Things had been going really great for me leading up to this point and my ego was getting a bit big for itself. Next I got crook and then had a car accident. There was also some family stuff playing out and it started to feel like the world was against me.

Through all of this I was forced to do some reflection and think about what part I'd played in some of the events. I wasn't completely blameless and through that reflection I learned some tough lessons. I had to face up to some harsh realities but through all of it I've come out the other side stronger. I've learned that I can survive the storm and I don't need drugs or alcohol to do it. I've learned that if I just keep moving forwards one step at a time things can turn out okay.

like I said, there's still a ways to go, but I've had a good reminder that if I get too far ahead of myself things can come crashing down. I've learned how I cam do things differently so that it doesn't happen again. I've found the positives from the negatives.