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  • Why do you want change?

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    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 62
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Why do you want change?

    Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:48 pm

    Whenever I talk to anyone trying to make change in their lives I always ask why? What is it about the way your life is now that you don't like and why do you want change?

    Staying focused on those reasons is often what can get you through the darkest times.

    I wanted to be a better father, improve my mental health and to live. When I say to live I have different meanings for that........first my physical health was deteriorating and I felt like my body was shutting down.........second my mental health was taking me to darker places..........thirdly I was sick of stuffing everything up all the time and wanted to finally see what I was capable of if drugs and alcohol weren't involved. All of this and the fact that I felt like I was on a constant merry-go-round of getting clean and feeling better then using again and going downhill faster and deeper into weeks/months/years of heavy addiction. That was starting to take a toll I was afraid I wouldn't get through. Isolated, scared and alone I was finally willing to do whatever it took to get life back on track............permanently.

    So I'd love to hear.............What is it about the way your life is now that you don't like and why do you want change?
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    Minnie mouse
    Junior Member
    Posts: 20
    Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 10:55 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Fri Apr 30, 2021 10:32 am

    First of all I need to keep my job, random drug testing was introduced last year and I was lucky to not have my name drawn out of the hat till last month. And got busted. I still have my job but stood down until I can prove that I'm clean. I'm also sick of being sneaky and lying. Sick of being stoned, unmotivated and mindless.
    0 x
    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 62
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Mon May 03, 2021 8:11 pm

    Eventually it catches up with us hey @Minnie mouse ...........sounds like the drugs are losing their effect? I remember when that started happening and it just wasn't fun nor do what I wanted it to anymore..............I just wish it didn't take me sooooooo long to keep trying to make it work!!!

    How are you coping being off work? Have you managed to make any changes?
    0 x
    Minnie mouse
    Junior Member
    Posts: 20
    Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 10:55 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue May 04, 2021 8:21 am

    It's been a really rough few weeks Craig. I have been facing them demons that trigger me. It's not just sadness but even happiness and excitement gets me wanting to have a joint. I didn't realise how much the dope numbs me from feeling all these emotions. Its been a week now since I last used and the vivid dreams have started. Yesterday I found out my cousin was murdered by a brutal bashing. I had dreams of my violent ex partner and woke up in tears. It feels like I'm getting tested by the universe. 😞
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    TheDees
    Moderator
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:29 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue May 04, 2021 9:42 am

    Hi @Minnie mouse,

    It sounds like you're having an incredibly difficult time right now. I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin, and also about the dream. I want to just check in and see what supports you have around you today? I'm going to send you an email with some links which might be useful right now. Thank you for sharing what's going on, it takes a lot of strength to keep reaching out with so much happening around you.
    0 x
    Minnie mouse
    Junior Member
    Posts: 20
    Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 10:55 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Tue May 04, 2021 11:34 am

    Thank you. My partner is a great support and here with me today. I'm staying strong and determined to ride it out without the weed.
    1 x
    Craig PW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 62
    Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 1:35 pm

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Thu May 06, 2021 10:00 pm

    @Minnie mouse my opinion on weed has changed soooo much over the years. I used to think it was really harmless and I smoked for probably 15 years. I now understand how much it ook from me........it just does it a whole lot more subtly than other drugs. It doesn't take as big of a physical toll and I think played a major part in the stunting of my emotional growth. Like you, I just ended up numb all the time and when i look back now i realise that I never felt any real emotions. Never felt that real natural joy and laughter or sadness. I was happy and sad at times but it wasn't the real deal.

    Oneof the things that kept me trapped was the fear of going through those night sweats and dreams. For a so called soft drug it grabs hold tight and dooesn't want to let go. The withdrawal effects are longer than most other things too and can come and go in waves. Even at the two week mark there can be another wave that takes you by suprise.

    Have you got any supports? Are you seeing an AOD counsellor? They can just help you understand what you're going through, deal with the triggers and all the things that come up now that your not using.........maybe even put you in touch with other supports that might be needed.
    0 x
    Minnie mouse
    Junior Member
    Posts: 20
    Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 10:55 am

    Re: Why do you want change?

    Fri May 07, 2021 8:28 am

    Thanks Craig, I had my first counselling session yesterday. Yeah those wicked dreams are messing with me pretty bad, the nightsweats I'm kinda used to as I been menopausal for a couple of years so hot flashes and nightsweats have been the main symptoms. Probably a bit worse now though. The first week off the weed I was grumpy as but I have been a lot better this week. Still feeling a bit of anxiety.
    1 x

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