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  • I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    For people making and maintaining change in their alcohol and other drug use. Connect here to share your story and gain motivation today.
    Tavi
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:20 am

    I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:30 am

    Hi everyone,

    First post for me.

    I have been working with a gp and psychiatrist to get off this drug for a year now. Even they don’t get why I can’t just stop.

    It’s frustrating that people don’t realise it’s a physical addiction, a brain disease, not just something that we just need to “be strong enough” to stop.

    I’ve realised recently that this drug controls my entire life. Every 10 minutes I think about it, several times a day calculating when I need to have another fix so I don’t get sick.

    I thought about it the other day and I realised if I had to choose between never having it again and keeping my home life, or having an endless supply and being homeless - that I’d probably choose the latter. That was a confronting realisation, it actually disgusted me that I’m that much of a slave to it, , but it was a good motivator to get out of this.

    Fingers crossed I can get off it this year.
    2 x
    Blippi
    Moderator
    Posts: 163
    Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:29 am

    Re: I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Fri Feb 05, 2021 3:04 am

    Hi @Tavi

    Welldone in reaching out and to post about what's going on for you.
    I can see you have done some reflections.
    I wonder what support do you have in place?


    Great work.
    Keep posting.
    0 x
    Lady Bug
    Community Builder
    Posts: 155
    Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2019 10:49 am

    Re: I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Mon Feb 08, 2021 4:15 pm

    Hi @Tavi

    It's lovely to "meet" you.
    Absolutely, there are a lot of misconceptions out there on drugs and addiction. Some people think its just simple to stop or use your strength. But as you know, it's much more complex than that.
    It's good your mind is now working in different ways.... realising that you can be consumed by the drug, and using that as motivation to want to change.
    Have you ever tried stopping before?

    We will all be here with you on this journey
    0 x
    Lyngne
    Junior Member
    Posts: 7
    Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2021 11:12 am

    Re: I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Tue Mar 23, 2021 10:19 pm

    Hope everything works out for you.
    1 x
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 52
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Fri Mar 26, 2021 3:20 am

    Hi @Tavi , it's been a little while since you posted about your struggles with your use and the health system, I was wondering how your journey has been going since then?
    0 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 221
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: I’m not the boss of me, the drug is

    Tue Apr 13, 2021 11:53 am

    Hi @Tavi,

    Thank you for sharing what you're going through so openly and honestly.

    I can relate! I remember not understanding why I couldn't seem to break out of the constant mental obsession and physical compulsion to use and feeling like there was something fundamentally 'wrong' or 'broken' within me that nobody, including me could understand.

    It wasn't until I started going to peer groups in the community and meeting people who had a similar experience that I was able to get some relief. Through meeting people that had the same experience as me with their addiction but had found a way out and who seemed happy & healthy gave me a lot of hope.

    I think that from the outside looking in addiction doesn't make any sense and there's nothing logical about it. But it's a real, chronic health condition that is very powerful and I know that my only option was to build and is now to maintain a recovery that is stronger than my addiction.

    I would love to hear where you're at now, if you have every tried to stop before and what you would be open to in terms of finding a way to break the cycle?
    0 x

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