Introduce yourself here - lived experience

[Peace Dove]

Welcome to our newest members @Chig and @KathleenRose80!

Please feel free to tell us a bit about yourselves or ask any questions you might have. Within this forums you can share and connect with other people going through similar experiences and also our two wonderful peer workers. There's plenty of useful information around if you just feel like navigating the forums. You might want to check out the Peers for peers section or some of the threads in our Community Talk section.

Looking forward to following your journeys.

[Peace Dove]

Hi My name is Sandra I am just discovering this website for the first time. I didn't know it existed until about 10 minutes ago.
I have been doing research into different services available for AOD use.

Hi @Bunnycode,
Welcome! It's great that you're doing research into different services available for AOD use.
Let us know if we can be of any help.

[Lhiver]

welcome to the forums @KathleenRose80 and @awiepoc

These forums are a non-judgemental space for you to share your journey and connect with others for support and advice!

To get started, you might like to share a little about yourself in this thread here, maybe sharing what bought you to the forums today and your goals!

I'll see you around the forums

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @Comingclean and thanks for comingclean with us…………it’s honesty that helped me make big steps forward. It sounds like you’re making some pretty good decisions in amongst these binges and learning some lessons along the way. It’s not an easy ride and learning what steps are required takes time.

I’m glad to hear you’ve got a sponsor and are working together with them. Learning to call my sponsor was hard for me but the more I did it the easier it got. I actually had a sponsor who wanted me to call him every day so on my walk to work in the morning I’d give him a buzz. Some days there’d be nothing to say and it would just be a very quick “hi and bye”, some days would be a bit more in depth and other days he’d be talking about what was happening for him. By getting into the practice of calling him each morning it helped to build the relationship and made it easier to call him when things weren’t going so well. Asking for help was never one of my strong points, I always thought I could solve everything myself……….or that I should be able to solve everything myself. Learning to ask for help has been one of the best things to come out of recovery………but I constantly need to check in as to whether I’m doing it enough. In fact, right now it’s been a theme that’s popped up it’s head in a number of different conversations I’ve had over the last few days. This is usually a sign that I need to take notice and ask for assistance……….it’s okay not to have all the answers.

Have you got numbers from other AA members to call in case your sponsor can’t answer??? I found it helpful to ask for numbers of members at meetings and put them in my phone. That way if the first, second or third don’t answer there are still options for those moments of need. Again, something that took me time but highly beneficial in the end. I’d even get calls from other members and just feel better after the chat sometimes.

It’s going to be difficult waiting to see how things turn out with the person you pushed but hopefully nothing comes of it. Those feeling of guilt, shame and remorse about what I did the night before are something that I’ll never miss. It’s actually probably my favourite thing about recovery………the freedom from chaos. I don’t wake up with that feeling of dread and I know that if you just keep trying you’ll get to this point too.

The all round approach you’re taking is awesome. GP, Psych, sponsor, AA……….keep it up. If the meds work or even just make the process easier then keep trying. There is no one size fits all for this and finding what works for you is what’s important. I identify with the pushing away of those closest to me………it was a definite theme in my life. What I discovered from my journey was that it wasn’t them I didn’t like………..it was myself……….and I pushed them away because I didn’t want them to see me the way I was.

I think the fact you’ve realised the pressure of work is too much at the moment and have chosen to step down a bit is a brave move…………and seems like the right one for you. A lot of people reach these conclusions but never actually take the step necessary and do it. It only has to be short term and if in the future you return to it then great. Maybe you discover that you don’t need it too and you find some new freedom in life. Keep making decisions like this and you’ll find the sanity returns.

Keep listening to the AA tapes to get you through……….maybe in the new car you can get a blue tooth adapter and drive around listening to them as well? Spotify has some great speaker playlists. I listen on my drive to work some days for something different and to help set my mindframe for the day.

You’ve really made some great progress so far……….thanks for continuing to check in with the forums. I hope you keep us updated as your journey continues.

[Lhiver]

Welcome to our new members @Fenton and @FnqAddict

The Counselling Help Online community is a judgement free space for you to find support and connection with others! everyone here has their own lived experience and are here to share their stories, strategies and advice.

To get you started, you can post a little about yourself here. Maybe a little introduction, a little about yourself, or what bought you to the forum!

I'll see you around

[Lhiver]

Welcome to our newest members @Mia76 , @Hoper and @Nes

The forums are a judgement free space for you to connect with others and share your story! There is a lot of advice and support throughout these forums! When you feel ready, you can introduce yourself here

[weary_heart_restless_soul]

Hi folks. This is very new to me. I have never been on a forum before. But I really need some peeps! My story is much too long to go fully into. So short version, I am a recovering ICE addict. Wow. That’s fun to say, or type rather… in black n white huh.
18 months I had been using, daily and smoked a lot.
My partner had hidden an ice habit from me for a year prior to me joining his party A lot of crap went with that obviously and instead of me dealing with and working through the things I was feeling, I burried it all, with drugs. It worked, for a bit. Made me forget about that pain. But also kept me stuck in that cycle where I did not want to feel those things, nor deal with them, nor face anything. And round and round I went! He turned into a completely different person, he lost us our house, our business, our money, our cars, our private school education for our kids, our friends our family. EVERYTHING. He lost the kids, they hated him. He lost my trust. He hurt me. He went to jail.
I didn’t stop. I stepped into my own, and kept on suppressing everything that I needed to face. Perpetuating that vicious cycle. Use to numb it, hate yourself for using, do stupid s*** whilst high, hate yourself some more. Want to make things better, start to not be able to look at yourself in the mirror out of disappointment and disgust. Use some more. Let your kids down, quick don’t feel that… use some more. Until I can’t even recognise who I’ve become.
He got out. We were together. (10+years btw) but I never quit, and he started again. Same things happened. He’s back in jail. This time, I quit. I went cold turkey, HUGE for me, as I get the most killer withdrawals. I stopped! For two weeks. Then got on again. Wasn’t even mad at myself. I didn’t care then. Used for a week. And stopped again. Went 8 weeks with nothing. That’s massive for me. Started thinking so much clearer and things were more normal, it wasn’t as scary as I’d thought. Then, used again. Just cos I could. Why?
Think I had to prove, stupidly, that I could be an occasional user. Pfft. No. I’m an addict. I will never be able to do that. And realistically, nor do I want to.
Had three weeks break. Then go on again. Major regret. Major emotions. Also a lot of crappy side effects so it’s all been terrible. And the emotions of being this, this disgrace (how I feel) this let down colossal fk up. This woman who has let her kids down so much, let herself down. I’ve become someone I don’t recognise. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m certainly not the me I was before I picked up that first pipe. She’s dead. Honestly, too much has transpired to ever go back to that version of me. But I’m lost. I’m broken. I am so confused, conflicted, sad, depressed, fortunately I am no longer in the mindset of wanting to self harm badly.
That’s a very big plus. But I am hollow. I feel empty, I walk around going through the motions. But even then, I am not going through the motions of the me before, the good Mum, the business owner, the respectful one. No no, I go through the motions of bare minimum. I feel so selfish. Yet it’s not purposeful. I can’t seem to get it together. And I’m afraid. I just want to not be an addict. I wish I never became this. I don’t know who to talk to or who to get help from. I just get annoyed with people who have never been there trying to counsel me.
I’ll wrap it up there. Sorry if it’s all over the shop. I’ve been through a roller coaster today.
I really need some support, and a safe place to openly talk. Thanks for reading.

[TheDees]

hi there, welcome to the forums I am really glad you have been able to share your roller coaster journey and glad that you are somewhat in a better place. I can still hear your struggle and I hope you will find some comfort and support here, as you say the support of others with lived experience is so powerful. Please take care of yourself

[Lhiver]

hey @weary_heart_restless_soul Thank you for sharing your story, it takes so much strength and determination to do so.

It really does sound like the past 18 months have been a rollercoaster. Those feelings of shame and guilt you're sharing can be incredibly overpowering, you might find it useful to check out this thread on managing those feelings during recovery.

It's really important to keep in mind that recovery is a journey with a lot of ups and downs. Lapses and relapses are really common, and while they're frustrating and can really increase those negative feelings, they don't mean you can't do it. It might be useful to look at the as learning experiences, when you have a lapses think about what triggered it, or something you could have done different and think about how you can avoid the lapses in future. Either way, the fact that you've had those periods, up to 8 weeks, without using is really fantastic! What helped you when you were in those 8 weeks?

I'm going to tag our peer workers and some other members to see if they have some other words of advice!

@initae89 @PnorkelPW @ScorpionPW @Katiee

[Lhiver]

welcome to our newest members @DeborahJ , @Ccress , @username200377 , @Taraj25 , @remilee , @VE-SS , @MasterSony and @kelly212sunny

TheCounselling Online community is a judgement free space for you to share your journey and connect with others. Everyone here has lived experience, and have come to share support and find advice and strategies for recovery!

You can share a little about yourself in this thread here, and I'll see you guys around the forums

[Peace Dove]

Welcome to our newest members @vermont, @mylesduffy, @njmom, @NewHope, @Scubak, @Sweetstuff and @Raulgrod!

This is a safe and non-judgemental community, so please feel free to tell us a bit about yourselves and what brought you here or if you have any questions we can help out with.
If you're a bit shy and only want to navigate the forums for some information, you might want to go through the Peers for Peers section .

Looking forward to following your journeys.

[initae89]

Dear @weary_heart_restless_soul, thank you for the courage for sharing so openly. I too am an Ice Addict. I know what a struggle it is. And I know what an escape it is from life.

I hate Ice. I hate what it does to people and families. It pains me to hear of your story.

But we cannot give in to addiction. I hope you keep at recovery. I know the journey is tough. I've been struggling too. But what this amazing forum has taught me is that to the key is to keep trying.

I don't have a great story to share.... yet.

But I just wanted to let you know I heard you. And I am cheering for you, and all others, including myself.

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @weary_heart_restless_soul ...........thanks so much for sharing your story. There's a lot of me in that story and there's also many, many differences. The circumstances of your life are very different............but the feelings you've described are so very similar. The merry-go-round of using, self loathing and stopping for a period. I can't tell you the number of times I told a doctor or psychologist I felt "broken". By the time I hit rehab I had no idea who I was anymore. My life was so far out of alignment with my value set that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I wasn't quite back at my lowest point but I knew I wasn't far off it............and I knew that this time I might not make it back. I had a few periods of clean time as well before getting back on it for similar reasons to those you described. The self loathing continued and got worse.

For me it all started with a conversation with my GP. If you don't feel like you can talk to your GP about this stuff or they're not giving you what you need when you do talk to them then I recommend you find a new GP. It wasn't a quick journey and it took me a few years but without the help of my GP I wouldn't be where I am now. The psychologist I saw was helpful and I recommend finding a psych you connect with too..............just don't make the same mistake I did for too long and only tell them the things you think they want to hear. To break through addiction you have to become brutally honest with yourself..........at least that was my experience.

Where things really turned for me though was at rehab. Everyone that worked there had lived in addiction at some point and had worked their way through it. It was there that recovery was role modelled for me and it was there that this leg of my recovery journey began. Maybe rehab is for you, maybe it isn't...........but I recommend you get a drug and alcohol counsellor to start exploring strategies and tools to help you and talk about other options you may have.

I was introduced to 12 step recovery in rehab and by that I mean AA and NA. I finally started to get it. I looked around these rooms that sometimes had 3 people at a meeting and sometimes had 100. What I saw though was there were people in those rooms with years of recovery time up. The most I'd ever been able to string together doing it my was a few months. These people had anywhere from 1 day to 30+ years!!! So I shut my mouth for once in my life and opened my ears. I sat and listened and gave it a try. I spoke to the people at the meetings about my doubts about 12 step and most of them had had similar reservations...............but then they started to do the program and their lives turned around.

I wouldn't be in this position now with 6 years clean and sober without the continued help and support of a great GP, my psychologist and the fellowship of the AA and NA programs.

If 12 step isn't your thing then I recommend SMART Recovery.............google it.

Recovery takes a team. It takes commitment. It takes honesty.

You've managed to get some clean time up on your own already which is an amazing effort..............imagine what you can do with some support from other people who know what you're going through. A lapse isn't a failure, it's a lesson to be learnt. You're learning lessons each time. I'd love to hear how things progress for you............hopefully you can keep chatting to us about what's working and what isn't.

[Lhiver]

Welcome to our newest member @johnno

These forums are a judgement free space for you to share your journey and connect with others!

You'll be able to find advice and support from others who have lived experience of the recovery journey.

When you feel ready you can write a little about yourself here in this thread, maybe start with your goals or what bought you to the forums today

[johnno]

Hi everyone and thank you for the welcome! I like to think I am a kind, caring, compassionate and somewhat shy person. I am from Melbourne and used to enjoy my life. I won't rattle on too much, but I have joined this group to help smash my alcohol use out of the park and start enjoying life again. That's the short version! If I am successful, I would love to give back to this service in any way I can. There are so many people out there questioning whether there is a life without booze? I am and I hope the answer is a resounding YES