Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

[ScorpionPW]

I appreciate you sharing about your dad @PnorkelPW and it must be really hard watching his mind start to deteriorate. A similar thing is happening with my mum and its so sad and frustrating at times but much like yourself I just try to enjoy the quality times when they're there to be had.

It also resonated with me bigtime about your dad role modelling the kind of father you want to be as well as the the father you don't want to be. I feel like that with both of my parents...trying to learn from their mistakes whilst passing on the amazing things they instilled me with.

This weekend I'll be spending tomorrow night in studying and getting a goodnight sleep. Then on Saturday I'll be helping my uncle clean out my grandfathers house since he passed away, catching up with a friend for dinner and doing a meeting. I'll spend some time with my girlfriend and enjoy some time with my son on Sunday.

How's everybody elses weekends looking?

[PnorkelPW]

I feel some ups and downs in your weekend @ScorpionPW but there's some really great stuff in there too.

None of us are perfect and when I changed my thinking on that I was able to improve my relationship with my dad. I used to expect too much from him and one day I realised that he's human and will make mistakes..........we all do.

[ScorpionPW]

Indeed @PnorkelPW, but thats life with all of it's weird and wonderful twists and turns...

That's so true...so many of my relationships have improved and healed so much just from me not expecting people to be capable of behaving in ways that they're simply now, then accepting those things and focussing on the value that the people bring into my life.

Did you end up catching up with your old man?

[PnorkelPW]

Yeah just posted in Monday Meetup @ScorpionPW ...........was frustrating but worth it

Your weekend go orright?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All.........I hope your week has been okay?

Do you have plans heading into the weekend??

@Skyemum32 @ATeeny @Amyb123 @Swanlee @IceOneBro @Krystal87 @king kylo @Drunkendiva

[ScorpionPW]

Hey @PnorkelPW,

I've been a bit under the weather and had today off work but feeling a bit better tonight. This weekend my son will be going to his mums for a couple of nights so I'll be catching up with some friends, doing a meeting, helping my uncle clean out my grandads house and spending some time with my girlfriend. Busy but fulfilling and restorative at the same time

What's everybody elses weekend looking like?

[PnorkelPW]

As I'm heading into the weekend I've got some things to look forward to but there's also some fear, uncertainty, discomfort, excitement, pride............it'll be a mixed bag of emotions.

My daughter turns 12 on Sunday and I'm so proud of the the qualities she demonstrates and I'm grateful for the friendship her mum and I have been able to develop over the 10 years we've separated after 15 years together. Addiction destroyed my chance at full time fatherhood and my ability to maintain the marriage but after a few years spiralling, recovery has allowed me to repair some of the damage that was done. These days we still call ourselves a family and support each other...........it's just not a traditional family.

I'm working through some strange emotions at the moment because her mum has been dating someone for about 12 months and he's started being around more. He's a nice guy but I'm finding the thought of him getting more involved and around my daughter more a little difficult to handle. My head is playing some games with me. Emotions are playing games. I'll always be my daughter's father but the thought of someone else being present in her life more than I am is hard to accept. There are always reminders of the consequences of my life in addiction and this is a big one. The difference between me in addiction and me in recovery is that I've learnt to work through the emotion. It's by no means easy and this one is going to take some time but I know that turning to a substance to block out the pain isn't going to help.

I'm excited for my daughter's birthday because I'm proud of the role I've played in shaping her as a person. I'm proud that I'm present in her life. I'm proud that I've been able to turn things around and maintain it.

On Saturday I've got a first date which is something to look forward to but always holds some fear as well. My head tries to play games but the reality is that all I can do is rock up and see how things go. I'm getting better at just being me but I always feel a lot of pressure. I'm really open about my story and being in recovery but I hold fear over being judged every time I go through it. Experience has told me that 99% of the time there is no judgment but it's just another part of being in recovery. I've been back in the dating world for 7 years and have had anything that has lasted from 1 hour to a couple of years and at times I question whether a relationship is meant for me................but all I can do is keep fronting up and doing what feels right for me at the time.

So this weekend for me is a real mixed bag and all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, enjoy each moment for what it is, and see where it takes me.

Whatever you get up to I hope your weekend goes well.

[PnorkelPW]

There's a lot of sickness going around @ScorpionPW .............I left work early on Monday, took Tuesday off as well, and am still not 100%.

Hope your weekend goes well and you're feeling better soon bro.

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All,

What's planned for your weekend? Anything on your mind??

[PnorkelPW]

As my week has gone on I started to feel more and more overwhelmed. I'd had a few days where it just felt like I was shuffling things on my list from one day to the next without actually achieving anything. When that happens my thinking narrows and I have trouble making decisions.............I find myself begin to procrastinate and that only adds to the problem. I think it triggers me because it reminds me of being in active addiction and feeling like my problems were just piling up. I'd make all sorts of plans but could never manage to achieve anything and I'd just feel worse about myself which drove me further into addiction.

Today I took a different plan of attack because i won't be back there until Monday. Instead of trying to get things done I took a step back and looked at everything I have to do and booked spaces in my calendar over the next two weeks to get everything done. All of a sudden it doesn't feel so overwhelming. It feels achievable and the pressure is lifted. I know it's not all going to go to plan and there will be a need to shift things around but I feel like I have some direction again.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Making change to your substance use can be really overwhelming. That's where the saying "A day at a time" comes in. Don't try to rush to the endgame because it's way too far down the track to worry about. Take a step back and make a plan for each day............a day at a time. If your plans seem too much this weekend then take a step back and see what's critical and what can be removed or shifted.

If you can keep things achievable you'll feel better about yourself at the end of each day and it'll really help you achieve your goals.

Thoughts????

[ScorpionPW]

I can relate so much @PnorkelPW, the cycle of procrastination can feel so horrible sometimes. I love how you chunked it down into bite size pieces, planned things out and alleviated the pressure. One of my favourite quotes I heard from you actually is "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time".

It's a good reminder as I have been so flat out at work and at home and it seems there's always something I'm forgetting. I think it's time to write some things down, chunk it down and prioritise!

This weekend I am spending Friday night going out with my girlfriend as we are both child free which is a rarity! Then on Saturday my son is performng so I'll go and check that out then catch up with one of my best mates on Sunday for lunch and find some time to rehearse for a gig I have next week.

What is everybody else up to? How's the weekend looking?

[PnorkelPW]

You've been planning some great weekend @ScorpionPW ...............it's great to see you out and about getting the most out of life

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All............how's your week been?

Mine's been okay but I'll be glad when the weekend is here. Yesterday was a bit of a rollercoaster and that's okay. I've learnt that it's okay to cry and yesterday I allowed myself to show some emotion in front of everyone at work. It was International Overdose Awareness Day and an opportunity to reflect on my addiction, where it's taken me, what it's cost me, and to be grateful that I'm still here because there are far too many people who didn't make it and paid the ultimate price. Addiction doesn't discriminate and it has a ripple effect from the individual to friends, families, work colleagues, and just keeps going.

We held a ceremony, shared our thoughts and feelings, and planted a tree. As someone played a song we all took a moment and that song hit me hard. Dancing in the Sky by Micky was the song if you want to listen to it. I felt the emotion stir and I wanted to be stoic in front of everyone but I'd just encouraged everyone else to let their emotions be felt. As I was deep in my thoughts I allowed myself permission to cry and I felt much better afterwards.

From there I reflected on haw far I've come in my recovery and began to think about the good things in my life. I was still feeling it a bit when I left work and because it was Wednesday it was a night with my daughter for dinner. I felt like doing something out of the ordinary to shake things loose and get out of my head so we caught the train to the city and had pancakes for dinner complete with a big milkshake. Not the healthiest option but we enjoyed ourselves and again............I felt better. Sometimes you just have to do something different to get out of the space you're in. Just getting on the train was out of our normal routine and that alone had helped me shift my headspace.

I'd love to hear from other people what they've done to shift their headspace at times.

This weekend for me is dinner with a group of people I don't know tomorrow night. I'm trying to expand my horizons and meet some new people. We're part of a community I'm interested in so we're catching up tomorrow night. I'm nervous but feeling pretty good about pushing my comfort zone too. Saturday I'll watch the mighty cats play in the finals and Sunday will be a day to catch up on life admin and just chill. I'm pumped that today is the first day Spring and daylight savings is just around the corner.

What's on for your weekend???

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All.............I hope your week your week has gone to plan and if it hasn't I hope it's not been too much trouble.

Today is RUOK? day and whilst it's important to ask RUOK?..........I think it's more important to ask the second question. Are you REALLY OK??? I know for me when people ask if I'm okay or how I am my default response is always "Yeah i'm good thanks"..........but that's not always the case and I don't speak up often enough. It's surprising how quickly we default to telling people we're okay when there's a deeper truth. Society seems to expect us to wear a mask and I think in addiction that mask becomes a permanent feature..........or there are a series of masks we wear depending on who we're with at the time but we never want anyone to see what's really underneath. I usually make a point to speak from an "I" perspective but the masks thing is something I've heard over and over and over again so I feel confident in saying "we" in this case. I know that when I was in active addiction I never let anyone see the real me. In fact, I didn't even know who the real me was. In a lot of ways I'm still figuring that out but I'm a lot more confident and secure within myself these days.

I also never wanted to admit to myself or anyone else that I wasn't okay. I was in denial and wanted my life to be okay. Learning to admit that I was struggling and being able to tell others was one of the most liberating things that has ever happened for me. I've discovered that that's how people can help because if I don't tel people what I'm struggling with, that "I'm okay", or that I need some help, then I'll never get any help.

So what I'm encouraging you to do today, tomorrow, and any other day moving forwards is to tell someone that you're struggling. That's how your path to the changes you want to make will lead you to where you want to be. The more help you can ask for, the more help you'll find.

So are RUOK?.............but RU REALLY OK?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All...........I hope the week has been okay so far.

Right now I'm tired and I'm going to be pushing myself over the weekend and into next week. It's at times like this that I need to be really careful because when I'm tired my decision making isn't at its best. I can rush into making decisions, not make decisions I need to because it's easier to push them away for later, and I can get susceptible to bad decisions.

I'm going to be in a social situation on Sunday that will be challenging and involve being at a pub. I'm going to have an exit strategy, my car will be close by so I can just jump on the train, I'll be able to step outside and call people if I need to talk and distract myself, I'll be able to go for a walk around the block. I'll be drinking my soda and lime which people think is a vodka or something and I'll be buying my own drinks so no-one can accidentally give me the wrong drink.

What else might you do if you were in this situation?

I'm also going to the footy tomorrow night........the real footy......AFL. Go Cats!! That will be a good night with my daughter and nice and easy.

What's on for your weekend?