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  • Why I need to make this change

    A place for community rundowns, special events and announcements from Counselling Online forums facilitation team.
    HelpfulBee
    Community Builder
    Posts: 191
    Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:59 pm

    Why I need to make this change

    Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:52 pm

    What is your reason for change? Everyone’s reason is different… so what’s yours?

    Is it because of the impacts your substance use has on your relationships? Your partner? Your kids?

    Maybe it’s because of the financial impacts? It’s expensive. Or maybe it’s becoming harder and harder to hold down your job.

    How about your health? And your mental health? Maybe you don’t feel good any more, or you're noticing some of the side effects?

    Or, you’ve been in trouble with the law?

    Or... it just doesn’t align with who you are, and who you want to be.

    There are millions of reasons for wanting to make a change.

    And really thinking about it, and talking about it, and writing it down is a helpful strategy for motivation. It helps you remember why this difficult journey is important. It reminds you of why you’re doing hard right now.

    So, what’s your reason?

    @Alaok @apples123 @pdm411 @Dontknowatall
    2 x
    pdm411
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:00 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Thu Feb 25, 2021 9:26 pm

    Hi @HelpfulBee
    As you say there are many reasons why l want and need to give up drinking once and for all.
    Drinking has all but destroyed what was a beautiful relationship with an amazing lady.
    As I've mentioned in other posts, l myself am to blame, sure there were relationship issues but at the end of the day my ignorance, stubbornness, arrogance, lies and stupidity after consuming alcohol and around my denial of having a problem, caused the breakdown.
    I put my drinking as priority over my partner, and now l have to live with that, and l certainly am not proud of that!!!
    l pray, there may one day be a chance of reconciliation, but its only ever so slight.
    So with that, my number one reason is my ex partner, even if she will never see the sober me, I owe it to her.
    And 2nd of course my own health/mental health. To rid myself of the issues drinking causes, as they far out weigh the issues l have when l don't drink. For me low self esteem, anxiety, low self worth etc. are hopefully all things that can be changed, or accepted by myself, but when drinking, the disasters that creates, can be substantial with long term repercussions.
    Touch wood l have not done any long term damage to my body, recent tests indicate I'm ok, but who really knows. For years I've worked on the outside of my body, with gym and exercise, but have neglected my inner health and addressing my issues. Finally l can say I am ready, and I am going to win.
    Hope this gives a little insight.....
    1 x
    HelpfulBee
    Community Builder
    Posts: 191
    Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:59 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Thu Feb 25, 2021 9:45 pm

    Hi @pdm411 ,

    Thank you for your incredibly authentic and insightful post.

    I'm sure our Counselling Online community can relate to the many important reasons you've given for making this change.

    It sounds like the alcohol has had profound effects on your relationships, in particular with your ex, and on your mental health and wellbeing.

    What sort of strategies are you putting in place to reduce your drinking? And how is it all going?

    - HelpfulBee
    1 x
    pdm411
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:00 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Thu Feb 25, 2021 10:20 pm

    Thanks for that.
    No use hiding the facts, l have to own my life.
    I'm still sober coming up 13 days, I am never drinking again, I can't!! These past weeks are my wake up call.
    Strategies I'm using have revolved around AA meetings, being open an transparent with family which I've never been able to do, exercising, and reminders on my phone numerous times throughout the day not to drink. I'm in the process of getting counselling through Stepping Up.
    And the big one is the raw image of my ex in tears, heartbroken, imprinted in my mind 😔
    1 x
    User avatar
    teapot
    Moderator
    Posts: 49
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:54 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Fri Feb 26, 2021 6:31 am

    @pdm411 13 days is a great achievement! It sounds like you're really making some progress by reaching out, you should be really proud of yourself. Sometimes, that's the hardest part.
    1 x
    pdm411
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:00 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Fri Feb 26, 2021 10:10 am

    Thanks @@teapot
    I don't think I've ever been this honest with myself and others.
    I am a proud, but know there is a long road ahead.
    1 x
    Leonarda
    Community Builder
    Posts: 125
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:21 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Sat Feb 27, 2021 12:53 pm

    Hey @pdm411 it is a long road ahead in terms of recovery and maintaining control - 13 days sober is a big achievement so it sounds like you are pushing ahead very nicely - what works for you to keep you going?
    0 x
    pdm411
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:00 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Sun Feb 28, 2021 8:38 pm

    Hi @Leonarda
    The things l mentioned earlier keep me going, my drive is from deep within, harnessing the guilt and embarrassment, trying to turn it into a positive.
    2 x
    Leonarda
    Community Builder
    Posts: 125
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:21 pm

    Re: Why I need to make this change

    Tue Mar 02, 2021 11:06 am

    Thanks for responding @pdm411 and such good points too about the range of emotions that can hinder you and prevent you from moving forward and being able to change that into a more positive note and relationship with yourself. Have a lovely day :)
    1 x

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