Choices

[PnorkelPW]

Someone I know has relapsed.........hard.......and fast. Three weeks ago they left rehab after 6 months where they talked the talk but never really walked the walk. For the last week they've been drinking from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep. There were a couple of lapses during their rehab stay and they talked a recovery language but never really changed their behaviour. A big part of the relapse is down to the choices they've made. I never chose to be an addict, I don't know anyone who did...............but I know a lot of people who've woken up every day and chosen recovery. That's where the saying "A day at a time" comes from. Every day I wake up I have to make choices that protect my recovery and that's not always easy.

When I was using, a lot of choice was taken away from me because once I started I couldn't stop. I couldn't go on holidays, couldn't save money, couldn't be true to myself, couldn't tell the truth...........it got to the point where I lost employment, the ability to look after myself and almost my life. I wanted change..........desperately.........but as long as I was using I didn't have a choice. Addiction took it all away.

Every day I have to make choices that simplify my life. Choices about who has a positive impact on my life, where to go, what to do, not to live in resentment, to choose the next best thing, to accept my situation and no matter what............to not use. If I use again all choice will be taken away and I'll want more and more. Experience has taught me that once I start, I can't stop.

One of the biggest choices I have to make each day is to look at what part I've played in my situation. It's easy to start thinking that the world's against me and nothing is going my way at times but I have to stop and ask myself if there's anything I can do about it and if I've done anything that's resulted in me being in that position. If I have a disagreement with someone I have to think about how I contributed to it and if there's anything I can do to rectify it. If I miss out on a job I have to ask myself how I can do better in the interview next time or where I need to improve my knowledge or experience to be a better chance next time. If I'm thinking about drinking or using I have to ask myself what it is in my life that is causing me to look for an external solution to an internal problem. I have to choose to call someone and get out of my head so that I don't take the easy way out. I have to choose to do the things that I know work like getting out of bed and getting moving. Just this morning I almost took the easy way out and stayed in bed instead of going to work but that would have had a negative effect on my mental health and set me in an unhealthy headspace. I make the choice to get up and go to the gym because I feel better after it. Sitting on the couch is easy but if I do it all day every day I get restless, irritable and discontent and that can lead to cravings and urges.

I've had to make the choice to accept that it was my decisions that kept me stuck in addiction for so long. Blaming everyone else for my circumstances kept me in resentment. When my marriage broke down it would have been easy to blame her for kicking me out but I had to make the choice to take responsibility for my actions. It was my behaviours that led to the breakdown. By making the choice to accept the truth I am able to find the solutions. Once I have the solutions though I have to make the choice to take action and continue to take action that helps.

It's one thing to stop drinking or using..........it's another thing to make the tough choices each day and protect your recovery.

What choices do you have to make???? Who can help you make them??????

[Lhiver]

at @Infinite Hope This might be an interesting read after yesterday