Should never have touched the ****

[Vh383]

Long story short.
Loved to party when I was younger, anything and everything under the sun. Had to be the last one going every time at the party.
Settled down and found a nice woman. Unfortunately ice made its way into our lives and neally every weekend for just over a year and our lives have been stuck in a vicious cycle.
Monday to Friday is fine, Friday arvo hits, beers then up till Monday night.
Can’t break the cylcle and my partner is dealing with phycosis.
Am mentally , physically tired and fed up with throwing away my money to cunt drug dealers. But it plays you against yourself and is hard to win.
Cut out the triggers etc yeh easier said than done.
I forgot what a normal life is, would give anything to be back there.

[Vik]

Hi Vh383, welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.

Definitely sounds like you're sick of the cycle, and eager to get out. I hear you that hearing about cutting out triggers can get repetitive for you, is there anything that you have found works for you though? Or anything that you think you'd be open to trying out?

Sorry to hear about your partner, how's she doing?

take care

[Vh383]

Since that post, we have both stopped. All it took was telling someone and reaching out. Don’t get me wrong it’s hard sometimes, the urge isn’t there for me anymore, I’ve wanted out for a long time. It’s now the mood changes and all the rest of it now I have to control.
But all in all I we have overcome it.
Definitely something you don’t want in your life

[Vik]

hi [mention]Vh383[/mention] how are things going for you lately?
Your last post was really positive! Would love an update

[Vh383]

Went even further down to a even lower, darker spot neally killing myself and my loved ones. Very sad and disappointing now have to live with most likely permanent damage to airways.
Dumbfounded to myself how silly you can be to have no care about anything else at all.

Soul destroying ...

Was always on the road outta here but I guess I won’t be looking back now.

[Ningnong]

Hi.
I just wanted to check in with you. I have read your thread and I can relate to how you're feeling. In my past, there have been times where I have been able to get off this drug and stay clean for some time, only to relapse and fall further into drug abuse, with worse negative impacts on my life each time.
I know how it feels to just sit and think about all the bad choices you've made under the influence of this drug, all the people you've hurt, and hate yourself entirely.
I haven't found the magic pill that will erase all that, or the quick fix that will finally set me free from the hold this drug has on my life, but I don't want to give up, ever. Even though I sometimes feel like I am drowning in my misery, I can still find reasons to live, and continue to try and beat this thing.
I just wanted to encourage you to do the same. You are important, and you are worthy. Please don't give up trying to beat this.

[tea123]

Hi [mention]Vh383[/mention]
I just read your post, just wondering how are things going with you?

[MalKumari]

Hi [mention]Ningnong[/mention],

Your post on this thread is beautiful. Its amazing to see you interact and provide other members with such encouraging words that stem from similar lived experiences.

I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing through your own recovery and journey. Have you been managing well?
It is apparent to me that you've experienced a lot in life and battled through some difficult times. Its very important that you take care of yourself. I hope you are still staying strong and are doing well.

Our member and I look forward to hearing more stories and advice from you!

Hope you are well,

[mention]MalKumari[/mention]

[Vh383]

Hey there,

Have only managed to have a 2 week brake over this year, every couple of months. Progressively fallen down, again. How many times can one say “last time, cut all ties then a week later the urge creeps back and jump on the merry go round. It’s taking longer to feel myself. Takes a good part of 2 weeks to feel semi normal which scares me. My back, legs hole body mind is screaming at me saying your weak your getting further away from being who you were. But the care isn’t there. That’s the main thing I want to reclaim.
On top of it all no work, lost license for PCA high range, pushing family away and have no mates to lean on.
Very very tough , I know all the things I should be doin but can’t make them happen.
Would love, need deeper some advice and help with this.

[Green]

Hi [mention]Vh383[/mention]

I'm wondering if you're currently linked in with any supports that can help you with this situation?

[HelpMePlease2020]

Me too

[Vh383]

I’m not sure where to start. Afraid of being revealed to all is going to put the final nail in the feels (theoretically speaking). Pretty sure most have suspicions. Life is pretty cruel atm. Partner is in same boat but can’t see it like I do.
At the end of the day it is the road I took but didn’t know a flood was Waiting for me round the bend.
A job would help me emmensly. Keeping
Active, busy. I’m sick of my house my yard staring at the same old shit everyday.
Venting like this helps me too, makes me relaxed. I appreciate the time you take to read
All this and hope I can help someone in someway with if they are going through motions. I don’t care how tough you think your are, this has to be the the most consistent pressure, exhaustion up down mess haha. I’m lucky I’m strong minded but eventually the sand will wear through the walls with the wind, the waves will slowly wash the rocks down and all that’s left is emptiness.
Tomorrow is another day!

[Pinky]

Hi [mention]Vh383[/mention] , welcome to the forum, well done for taking the courageous step of sharing on here! I'm sure others on here will respond and support you soon. It can certainly be a tough road to take and i wish you well and hope you get the support you need.

Cheers Pinky (Facilitator)

[Beach13]

I can’t remember a day I was sober in the last 6 months. Between weed and pain killers - I can’t remember feeling sober anymore.

[tacocat]

Hi [mention]Beach13[/mention]

Welcome to the forums.
Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Are you linked in with any local drug and alcohol supports to help with your issues? Building a relationship with a local service can be an invaluable tool to get you moving in the right direction. And as you may have read in this thread, venting and sharing with others who are struggling in the same way can help you feel less alone.
I hope you will continue to post here and get the support you need.

Take care.