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  • Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Lone drinker
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2022 7:27 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Sat Sep 17, 2022 7:40 am

    Good morning,
    I am posting on this forum at 5:30am on a Saturday morning because I've had yet another terrible sleep due to the amount I drank last night - alone, not out socially having a good time.
    I've also woken up with a familiar feeling of guilt and loneliness because of this as well. I've never reached out about this issue before but I think it's about time
    I really faced the fact that my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy, destructive and I'm not in full control.
    The only thing that's making me feel a bit better about this is that perhaps I don't have to be so private and alone in this struggle as I have been doing so far.

    I look forward to connecting and hearing about your experiences
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    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 723
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Sat Sep 17, 2022 10:57 am

    @XT the past couple of years have clearly been immensely stressful. I can hear how overwhelmed you are feeling right now, it's great that despite everything that's going on you're persevering and reaching out for that support. I've sent you an email with some info for support services you might find useful right now.

    I'm reading some similarities in those feelings of guilt that both yourself and @Lone drinker have described in your respective posts. Maybe there's some support the two of you can give to each other here to help you both break the cycles you're in?

    I'm also going to tag our peer workers @PnorkelPW and @ScorpionPW for some more advice here.
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    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 723
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Sat Sep 17, 2022 11:01 am

    Good morning everyone! I hope the weekend is being kind to you all right now, and that you're being kind to yourselves! New dawn new day!

    Let's welcome our new members @Sicko @Emski and @G88 to the forums! I hope you all fins support and advice here! when you're feeling ready you can introduce yourself here, or feel free to jump into some other threads to connect with others who are on their own change journeys :)

    Feel free to tag myself @Sunflowerseed @PnorkelPW or @ScorpionPW at any time for any reason! :)
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    Cakie181
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2022 1:53 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 2:25 am

    Hey...i've just found this online while doing some research for my son-in-laws brothers addmitance into a detox/withdrawl centre tomorrow morning,while he's at my son-in-laws house high on ice,and thought i'd take the self test of my own drug and pre-alcohol abuses...my user name is cakie,or cakie181,and i've managed to completely stopped drinking alcohol,cold-turkey,overnight infact,with no help and no support what-so-evee,havent had a drink since mid november 2021 actually,from drinking,getting pretty drunk 6 days out of 7,drinking with daniel,my son-in-law,now seperated from my daughter,daniel would just walk into dan murphys and steal 2 1ltr bottles of mainly vodka,and would go there to steal bottles every other day,how he didnt get caught was unbelievable actually,havent gotten drunk or had a drink since my fall when i was pretty drunk and had smoked cones (of pot) ontop of the alcohol,and fell backwards down 4 concrete steps out the front of my mums house,literally ass over head fall,and my skull landed on a sharp piece of concrete of the house foundation,landing between my temple and eye,and my mum and daniel did practically nothing to help me out,and the ambo's took over an hour to get there,while my mum and daniel let me go be on my own and let me go to sleep,with no-one coming in to check on me to see if i was even still alive and breathing! My mum just leave me be to sleep it off...by the time the ambo's did get there,was ridiculous,and they didnt even bother cleaning up my pouring out blood head,took me to the hospital,where they judged me and left me in the cubical waiting to get seen my a nurse or a doctor,and coz they were all judging me,i just got up and walked out of there,caught a cab back to my mums house,where no-body cared...i had a doctors appointment the next day,where he took a look at me,assessed me and my wound,got me cleaned up and properly bansaged up,and he said that i was very very lucky indeed that i came out of it as i did,with no permanent damage,but left me with a scar down my face,and said i should have gotten stitches and a head scan the day before....anyway,that was my scare factor point of realisation that i really need to slow down dramatically if not stop drinking all together,which i did,quit like over-night,as i said....at first i couldnt deal with being around alcohol or drinkers,but stayed strong,still cant stand the smell of alcohol,any types of alcohol,but yeah,sober for like 10 months now,and i've been extremely lucky with absoloutely no withdrawls and no cravings what-so-ever too...found it pretty easy,once i set my mind to it...hey,thanks for reading my drunk and stoned story so far....i also have used and abused ice aswell,which i quit cold-turkey again,like overnight,with no withdrawls and only slight cravings,but again,i managed to stay clean and sober since november last year,and ALSO quit smoking pot the same way,over-night cold-turkey with no cravings or withdrawls,i was left with only cigarettes as my only addiction,which by the way,i've gotten medicated help with quitting cigarettes now been cigarette free pretty much for the last 5 weeks now...now i just feel a little lost and dont know what to do with myself....oh,i have mental health issuses ontop of axdictive persinality disorder....use to use and abuse prescription pills,downers like diazepams,tremazapams,oxazepams,any of the pam family related drugs,i use to take my parents pills for sleeping....i think i've been good with prescription pills now tho,only take my own prescribed medications and the dosages i'm allowed to take,where-as before i use to pop as many pills as possible at once,that was after a major relationship breakdown and seperation....again,thanks for being patient
    1 x
    Modra6
    Moderator
    Posts: 166
    Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2019 3:47 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 3:45 am

    Thanks for your honesty, and your words Cakie181. Appreciate the time you have taken to write, and reflect - really important reflections. I would suggest linking in with a drug and alcohol helpline to further explore your relationship to yourself and your drinking to give you the best shot in moving forward, being listened to, and getting the support you deserve especially when withdrawing from alcohol.

    Depending on which state you reside in. You can call the helpline relevant to you, and they will be able to support you.

    Also the peer workers, and other members will be able to respond in the morning to this post.

    Victoria - 1800 888 236
    Western Australia - (08) 9442 5000
    South Australia - 1300 13 1340
    Tasmania - 1300 362 072
    NSW - 1800 250 015
    Queensland - 1800 177 833

    Modra6.
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    Sunflowerseed
    Community Builder
    Posts: 233
    Joined: Tue Jun 07, 2022 10:33 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 9:02 am

    Hi @Cakie181,
    Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.
    You have been through a lot but also achieved a lot. You managed to stop using alcohol and other substances without help is amazing. Keep up the good work! :)

    You mentioned you are feeling a little bit lost. What do you mean by that? If you don't mind sharing with us.

    I am a facilitator in the forum working along with @Lhiver. @ScorpionPW and @PnorkelPW are the two peer support workers to provide some insight experiences and some strategies that helped them in their journey. If you have any questions, feel free to tag us in your post! Looking forward to hear from you soon~
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    Sunflowerseed
    Community Builder
    Posts: 233
    Joined: Tue Jun 07, 2022 10:33 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 4:01 pm

    Good afternoon everyone~
    Welcome @Patty123 for joinging the community today!
    Counselling Online Forums is a safe place to share your story without being judge. We are here to provide help and support. If you have any question, feel free to tag the facilitators (myself and @Lhiver) or our peer workers (@PnorkelPW and @ScorpionPW). When you are ready, we look forward to hearing from you~ :)
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    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 692
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 9:27 pm

    Hi @XT,

    It sounds like you're in a really tough spot at the moment, the ripple effect of all the lockdowns and everything is still being experienced and this is a real reminder of that.

    One thing you said right at the end of your post really stuck out for me, feeling like the best time of your life is falling asleep. I remember feeling so relieved everyday when I could finally use enough to fall asleep and end the madness for another day, only to wake up the next day and feel instantly anxious, scared and dreading what it would take for me to get to sleep again that night.

    It certainly is a vicious cycle...I know that for me, I had to find the right place to get help to be able to stop and stay stopped. To reach the point where I was open to get that help as well was quite a journey. I had to discover through repeating the same cycle over and over again that I couldn't safely or successfully use anything. That no matter what, I couldn't control my substance use at all, no matter what I did I would keep ending up in the same place of hopelessness and desepration, that I needed to find a way to stop, then once I was able to stop to do whatever it took to not pick up a day at a time.

    This isn't the reality for everyone but discovering this helped me discover that abstinence based 12 step recovery was right for me.

    A good place to start for the moment if you want to stop would be to talk to your GP, find out about detoxes you could be referred to and how you could approach a detox from alcohol safely because there is a lot of risks involved trying to stop drinking cold turkey.

    It would be great to know if anything you've seen on the forum resonates with you and if you would like any info on any support groups or any other help you might be able to access, depending on where you are?
    1 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 763
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 9:52 pm

    Hi @Cakie181 and thanks for sharing on the forums.

    It sounds like you've overcome quite a bit over the years and that's an amazing effort...............well it's an amazing bunch of efforts.

    You mentioned not knowing what to do with yourself. Some of the questions I usually ask at times like this are:

    - What have you been doing to keep occupied and off the booze and drugs in this time??

    - What are things you've wanted to try but never have or things you used to do but don't do anymore and would like to get back to???
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    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 763
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 10:15 pm

    Hi @PanKorNin ................there's a lot going on for you. I've dealt with the sciatica and bulged discs and medicated by doctor shopping on Tramadol and self medicating on booze and drugs. I was about to sign off when I saw your post and just felt I needed to respond. My addictions were hidden for years behind the veil of "functionality". Nobody knew the full extent but me and the shame kept me hiding in denial while my life spun further out of control. I say I don't have regrets.............but I look back and wonder how differently things may have gone if I'd sought real help earlier.

    The pathway out for me involved my GP who was and still is just amazing and helped with the addiction side of things as well as with the mental health aspects as depression grabbed hold and tried to drag me under.............another thing I self medicated for too many years. I saw a psychologist for a while, went to rehab eventually, did a mindfulness course, AA............there was quite a bit to getting to where I am now. There was also the chiropractor, physio, and neurosurgeon who were part of my physical recovery.

    I wonder what supports you have in place, what you've tried, and what you think might be worth trying???

    What I know for sure is that this is near impossible to do alone and it takes time to build the right support network. I'm here to support in any way I can. Just tag me in your post so I get a notification and I'll respond when I'm online.

    I hope some of this has helped and if not............what do you think might help??
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    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 763
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Mon Sep 19, 2022 10:24 pm

    Hi @XT and thanks for sharing with us on the forums............it's not easy to open up.

    It sounds like you're pretty isolated where you are. @ScorpionPW has given some great advice. I can't agree with talking to your GP enough, it's a great place to start. There are also online supports available through AA, SMART Recovery, Real Drug Talk, Drinklessfeelfresh which might be a good place to explore.

    i hope some of this helps and if we can support in any other way please ask as many questions as you like.
    1 x
    Cakie181
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2022 1:53 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Tue Sep 20, 2022 2:30 am

    Sunflowerseed wrote:
    Mon Sep 19, 2022 9:02 am
    Hi @Cakie181,
    Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.
    You have been through a lot but also achieved a lot. You managed to stop using alcohol and other substances without help is amazing. Keep up the good work! :)

    You mentioned you are feeling a little bit lost. What do you mean by that? If you don't mind sharing with us.

    I am a facilitator in the forum working along with @Lhiver. @ScorpionPW and @PnorkelPW are the two peer support workers to provide some insight experiences and some strategies that helped them in their journey. If you have any questions, feel free to tag us in your post! Looking forward to hear from you soon~
    I'm feeling like there's something missing,like i'm missing out on something sort of thing,dont know what to do with myself,with my time lately,cant seem to get motivated enough to actually get up off my lazy ass and do something,anything,like general housework or some days it's difficult just to get out of bed some days...i have mental health issues a-plenty too...severe depression,severe anxiety,panic attacks,borderline personality disorder,adhd,ptsd,ocd,agoraphobia,mild schizophrenia,and sometimes have blackouts....i'm on medications for the above issues and problems too,except i use to be on the dex for my adhd,but my psych passed away and i havent been able to get in to see another psych for my dex,that's where the ice started up again,it doesnt rev me up like it does to most 'normal' people,it calms me down,helps me to keep focus and pay attention to things around me better,i can think more clearly,and i can manage to get things done easier....i've started paying more attention to re-establishing my backyard,i moved into government housing and had 2 patches of dry hard dirt,now i have grass and am planting trees,bushes and flowers,but these things dont come cheap,i have gotten some plants for free thru facebook tho,i'm wanting bigger shrubs etc to provide a safe shady spot for my cat during the upcoming warmer weather,but yeah,most of what i've managed to get are just cuttings,so these are taking forever to root and start growing....i guess i've ranted enough for now....thanks for reading
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    Cakie181
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2022 1:53 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Tue Sep 20, 2022 2:36 am

    PnorkelPW wrote:
    Mon Sep 19, 2022 9:52 pm
    Hi @Cakie181 and thanks for sharing on the forums.

    It sounds like you've overcome quite a bit over the years and that's an amazing effort...............well it's an amazing bunch of efforts.

    You mentioned not knowing what to do with yourself. Some of the questions I usually ask at times like this are:

    - What have you been doing to keep occupied and off the booze and drugs in this time??

    - What are things you've wanted to try but never have or things you used to do but don't do anymore and would like to get back to???
    I use to make jewellery,necklaces,bracelets,anklets,earings,using gemstones,and use to make dreamcatchers and beachy windchimes,but that got to be a bit pricey and having to move a few times in the last 12 months,alot of my stock has gone missing between moves....i use to like going for a drive up the back of the adelaide hills,but who can afford to do that these days...i use to love going to the beach and just listen to the waves breaking on the shore,but i have great difficulties in going out in public places on my own,and i had to cut everyone out of my life that were users and abusers,of drugs and alcohol and users and abusers towards me,
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    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 723
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Tue Sep 20, 2022 8:50 am

    Good morning and welcome to our new member @missella !

    This is a open, judgement free space for you to find support and advice from others! We welcome people at all stages of their journey and recognise everyone is on their own path!

    You can use this thread as a space to introduce yourself and start connecting with others!

    If you have any questions or are seeking a bit of extra support, feel free to tag myself or @SunflowerSeed or our two fantastic peer workers @PnorkelPW and @ScorpionPW
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    Lhiver
    Community Builder
    Posts: 723
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 9:59 am

    Re: Introduce yourself here - lived experience

    Tue Sep 20, 2022 9:19 am

    heya @Cakie181 it sounds like you have a lot of really amazing hobbies and interest to keep you going! It can be really hard with hobbies as things get more and more costly.

    You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable going out on your own, would you feel comfortable joining a social group, like something through meet up? That way you could find some supports and connection with other people who share your interests.
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