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  • Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu May 19, 2022 8:48 pm

    Hi All............

    If you had to describe how you're feeling right now in a one word emotion, what would it be???

    This is a question I used to ask at the beginning of the majority of the groups I ran in a previous role of mine. It's something that became important to me when I went to rehab and they used to ask us before groups too. I found it difficult most days but there were days it came quite easy. One big lesson I got from it is being able to begin to identify my emotions.............and that's a tool I've learned to put into practice every day. It's helped me to be able to recognise what might be driving my decision making at the time............my reactions, my feelings.

    Something to remember as well is that emotions change..........and they change quickly. How I feel now isn't necessarily how I'll feel in ten seconds, ten minutes, ten hours or ten days. I now know the value of not getting stuck in a feeling or emotion. My initial reaction might be one of anger to a situation but that doesn't mean my response has to be...........and if I can figure out why I feel angry then I can work my way through it quicker. What I've found is that my anger is usually because I've let things build up and pushed my emotions to the side or even just pushed them down so I haven't felt them at all. In doing so, I've put myself on edge. It's the little thing that pushes me over the edge and not what's caused my reaction. If I'd acknowledged my emotions earlier they wouldn't have built up to point where my anger gets misdirected and the wrong person wears an unjustified response. If I look back I can see that it was an event earlier in the day or week that I was angry about and I hadn't dealt with it.

    I learned that emotions are our bodies way of communicating with us. They tell us that something is wrong, when something is right, when we need to protect ourselves and when to run free. Listen to your body. Listen to your emotions. Music is huuuuuge for me and helps me work through stuff. Finding the right playlist feels good. Sometimes sad music helps me work through sad times, sometimes happy music helps me work through them instead. Sometimes it goes from sad music to happy music as I surf my emotions. Sometimes it's metal to thrash things out of my system or instrumental to quieten things. Music also helps me figure out what emotion I'm feeling.............and it's okay to feel your emotion. What is it your body is trying to tell you????

    As we move into the weekend I urge you to remember that your emotions don't define you. They will change............and it's okay to feel whatever it is you're feeling at that particular moment. What matters most is the action you take and sometimes no action is the best action. Think about what you're feeling, why you're feeling it and let whatever it is pass. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say this stuff but it's been my experience that when we learn to accept and acknowledge the difficult times they pass quicker. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions...........it's okay.

    Have a mixed weekend because that's what it's going to be. It'll be full of a range of emotions. Feel them and have a great weekend.

    I'd love to hear what you think of this..........let me know.
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu May 26, 2022 8:45 pm

    Hi All..........I had dinner with a friend during the week and we got talking about friends..........and more to the point, keeping friends at a distance. This led to shrinking our circle of friends, friendships being two-way streets, what our friends offer us and whether they are actually friends. Our stories and reasonings were different, it's something she has experienced over Covid and since we've started emerging again this year. Mine has been more long term since entering this period of recovery...........and to be honest, it's one of the things that has helped me protect my recovery.

    What she's starting to realise is how much effort she's put in to maintaining friendships and that it hasn't been reciprocated by the other people. She's also realising that she needs something different from her friends now. She's become comfortable being at home. She doesn't want to go to the parties and get wasted anymore. She's looking for a quieter existence away from the chaos that was happening before. She's asking the classic question as to whether they are actually friends or just people she went out with????

    When I got into this period of recovery years ago I made the decision to stay away from my friends because they all partied. I needed something different and I found those connections in 12 step recovery. Life stopped being about looking for "good times" and began to be about learning to live life and deal with everything it had to offer...........the good times and the tough times. I needed different things from life. I needed different things from other people. I needed to keep my friends at a distance because if I was around them at the wrong times I'd be putting my recovery at risk. They were still friends, some of them are still friends and I know they're in my corner if I ever call on them. They're just friends I don't see as often. I know now that just because I haven't seen anyone n a while, it doesn't mean we're not friends.

    The keeping friends at a distance thing is interesting. For me it involves protecting my recovery but it's more than that. It's about not letting people in who are going to drag me down or drain my energy. Some people are just hard work and when I'm with them I feel emotionally drained when I leave. It's not to say they're not friends. They're just friends I can't be around for too long.

    I've got nearly 1000 phone numbers in my phone............but how many of them are friends??? And how many of them are friends i allow into my inner circle??? There are friends and there are FRIENDS. FRIENDS are the ones I know will be there whenever I need them. They'll help me and I'll do anything for them. They're the ones who I catch up with and it doesn't matter if I haven't seen them in a year it feels like we were never apart. They give as much as they take. They understand me. They support me. They encourage me. FRIENDS lift you up. They don't keep dragging you down.

    So who do you need to keep at a distance??? Who's dragging you down instead of lifting you up??? Who only contacts you when they need something and never just checks in to see how you're doing???

    Which friends are you going to see this weekend???
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 02, 2022 8:54 pm

    Hi All............we talk a lot about self care and it's one of the keys to recovery..........it's one of the keys to life. When it gets talked about it's usually about fresh air, exercise, sleeping in, manicures, massages, concerts and those type of nourishing activities. Self care has looked a bit different for me this week and it hasn't necessarily been healthy or something I want to do every week.........but it's still been self care.

    This week I've said no to exercise. Said no to getting up at 5am. Said no to healthy eating on the most part. Said no to my regular routine. Said no to a lot of the things that have kept me on track.

    This week I've listened to my body and given it a break because over the weekend it was telling me to. I've just felt a bit off since the weekend and pushing through it wouldn't have been healthy or helpful for me. It's been a mentally taxing week with work and I haven't felt the drive I usually do. When I've got home I've just felt like crashing.................so I have. Twice this week I've walked in the front door and jumped straight into bed. I reckon it's been 25 years since I've done that.

    So this week I've eaten fish n chips twice for dinner, Vietnamese another and a stodgy curry. I've eaten biscuits for lunch today, lollies for desserts, a block of chocolate last night. I've just felt that it's what I needed this week. I've taken care of myself this week.

    As I said, it's not something I want to do every week. It's not good for me long term but for this week it's been okay. Maybe it's been the adjustment to winter because it's been bloody cold down here in Melbourne.

    So remember..............self care can look a bit different sometimes.

    How's your self care?
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:55 pm

    Hi all……..how’s your week been? What’s planned for the weekend?
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:42 pm

    My week was pretty full on. I had to go and stay at my mum’s for a couple of nights to transport her for a medical procedure and it was a tough few days. My relationship with mum is a tough one so to be with her for two days and two nights wasn’t easy and I was hesitant going down there but life is about facing up to the tough times and doing things I don’t necessarily want to do.. It was also time for me to reflect on the fact that I’m holding on to a lot of resentment when it comes to my mum.

    I have a splintered family and I’m the only one that talks to all other members……..even if it is somewhat strained. I’ve worked through most issues with them all and there have been times where I haven’t spoken to some of them. Since getting into recovery I’ve been able to have a number of difficult conversations and work through issues with them. I’ve been able to work through a lot of resentments………..but this just hasn’t been possible with mum. The conversations I’ve had with the others have resulted in us being able to look at ourselves, understand each other a bit better and modify our behaviours. It’s not perfect but it’s better than it was. Unfortunately mum is unable to do that and it’s just been something I’ve had to accept………but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

    Things just feel like a constant fight and she is unable or unwilling to change. I’ve learned to set stronger boundaries for myself and I usually limit the time I spend with her. Being stuck there for two days had me fearful before I even got there. How did I cope??? I stuck my head in my laptop and worked so I was distracted and so that I was left alone. I went for a couple of beach walks. I put my headphones in and listened to music. I made time to have conversation with her to help keep some balance.

    Just because someone in our lives is a permanent fixture, it doesn’t mean we have to let them treat us badly. Learning to put it my boundaries hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it.

    Who do you need to put boundaries in with???
    0 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 408
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:50 pm

    Hi @PnorkelPW, thanks for sharing about the struggles with your mum, I've been having a similar time with my mum over the past couple of years.

    For so long I was holding resentment because of her dishonesty and her controlling behaviour. It got to a point where I realised if I didn't expect her to be capable of responding in ways that she's simply not it could be easier. Like, if I remove the expectation of her acting how I think she "should" then I don't set myself up to be let down. Our relationship is alot better for it and when she goes into the control I can brush it off most of the time but also really hold my ground and put boundaries in if she crosses a line.

    This stuff is so tricky and I love what you said about somebody being a permanent fixture and how we let them treat us. Lots of lessons to be gained from that perspective. I've done a lot of work on choosing who I keep close to me and not allowing relationships become too close if it's not emotionally safe for me, even if it's family. It's also become really important for me to realise that the way somebody responds to me setting a boundary is not my responsibility. I keep my side of the street clean, keep my inner circle a safe one and the rest is out of my hands.

    This weekend I'm going to be enjoying a well needed night to myself tomorrow with my son staying at his mums house. Other than that I'll be organsing a play date for the little man with one of his friends, watching the NBA finals and hopefully getting out to shoot some hoops if the weather allows.

    How's your long weekend looking? What do other people have planned to stay safe (and warm :lol:) over the weekend?
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Mon Jun 13, 2022 8:59 pm

    Yeah I like that @ScorpionPW . We can’t control other people but we can control how we respond to them.

    I can’t believe Boston lost that game!! Steph is just next level
    1 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 408
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Tue Jun 14, 2022 8:25 pm

    Nicely put @PnorkelPW :D

    I know right?! Golden State 2022 NBA Champs here we come!
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 16, 2022 8:06 pm

    Nah @ScorpionPW ............Boston in 7!
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 16, 2022 8:09 pm

    Hi All............what's on for your weekend???

    How do you keep yourself busy when it's cold and raining outside???

    What do you do when your stuck inside for the weekend??

    Who's going to win game 6 tomorrow???
    1 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 16, 2022 8:26 pm

    It's been an up and down week for me and at times I've really struggled just to get out of bed and go to work but I know staying there won't help anything. I was talking to a few people about resilience yesterday and what resilience means.

    Everything can feel too much at times..........especially in the early stages of trying to stop using. Physically and mentally all your strength can feel drained and it doesn't take much to upset you or tip you over the edge. People can say the simplest thing and it just sets you off or your patience is almost non-existent. You just don't have much resilience. But by just persisting and getting through the next ten minutes, the next hour, the next day you can build your resilience. You can build a gap between the last time you used. You can prove to yourself that you can get through a tough time. You can slowly build your resilience.

    We build resilience by trying things. By doing things. By getting things wrong and getting up and having another go anyway. If things don't go right this weekend have a think about why................see what lesson you can learn and try again.

    Things aren't always gonna go to plan and that's okay.
    1 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 408
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 16, 2022 9:20 pm

    @PnorkelPW, we will see my friend...I'm calling this year Curry's first finals MVP
    0 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 408
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 16, 2022 9:33 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing that @PnorkelPW, it really resonates with me big time...

    I've felt like over the past month has been a bit of a steady decline for me with burnout and exhaustion. Having to support my mum through all the challenges with her sister since my grandad passing really took a toll and I still haven't quite recovered from it. At the same time work is ramping up big time with training delivery amongst everything else, plus the whole dad thing is exhausting in itself. I too have been opening my eyes in the morning and just wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep and not face the day.

    It's moments like these where I really realise how resilient I am. I had a moment yesterday where I found out my sons school was going for break up a week earlier than the rest of the state as he goes to a specialist school, at the same time as a lot of financial commitments all stacking up at once unexpectedly and I found myself feeling very overwhelmed, mildy panicked even. It didn't take me long to come out of panic, take a breath and step into faith. After the evidence of my life showing me over and over again that if I just do the next right thing then I will be looked after I can truly believe that it won't be any different now. It's moments like these where I really see the value of being in recovery for as long as I have. The ability to redirect and step into a place where I know everything will be ok happens so quickly now.

    You're so spot on too with that resilience beginning to be built in the early days, a day at a time, an hour at a time, 5 minutes at a time. Doing whatever it takes to not pick up for the day and hit the pillow at the end of the day without picking up. For me, that was the main goal in the beginning. Then as the months and years tick by, it becomes not about doing anything I can to not use today, because that doesn't feel difficult anymore. It becomes living in a way where I know I can get through no matter what because if I could get through the first year of recovery then it feels like any "problem" or challenge I have pales in comparison. All of the challenges in my life today are simply because of the fact that I have an incredibly full, rich and forfilling life that I have the privelege of being able to front up to on a day to day basis. It's a privelege to have the "problems" I have today because they are the result of a life beyond my wildest dreams. If you told me I'd have done the things I've done in recovery and that I'd be living the life I am today at the age I'm at there's not a chance I would have believed it, but here we are.

    Such a great topic @PnorkelPW and thanks so much again for sharing it. What does resilience mean to other people checking in, thinking about the weekend and how to get through?
    0 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 496
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 23, 2022 8:28 pm

    Hi All……….another Thursday rolls around. How’s your week been???

    Hi to the new members of the forums too……..@RSR2020 @Banksia* @Julesriley @Flossy1970 @NachoCowBoy @cazzo @rlines @ConfettiMoon @Got to fix this @luigi2906

    …………what’s planned for your weekend?

    How can people on the forum help you?

    What are you hoping to find here???



    How about you @Lhiver @teapot @SunflowerSeed @Pinky @EMMI @Astraia @V2Shneider ????

    What about @Simply me @Deyfhob @initae89 @Katiee @Azura @Xena9492 @WildeReformed ..............what are you up to???


    @ScorpionPW I'm still upset about Boston and I don't even follow the NBA that closely..........I think it's more my dislike for Golden State
    Last edited by PnorkelPW on Thu Jun 23, 2022 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
    2 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 408
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

    Thu Jun 23, 2022 8:40 pm

    Hi @PnorkelPW, my week has been very busy and feeling absolutely exhausted. I've had to really consciously practice seperating myself from my thinking and making an intentional choice to act in a way that is the opposite of my thoughts because I've been experiencing some big compassion fatigue.

    I'm very grateful that I have the ability to do this now and not just be completely joined and driven by my thoughts...recovery in action I guess?

    Oh true, I'm absolutely ecstacic, Steph is my dude! I'm curious as to why you dislike Golden State?

    Also, how's your weekend looking my man?

    How's everybody else travelling?
    1 x

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