Thursday Check-in - How to stay sober on the weekend

[PnorkelPW]

I’m looking forward to this weekend as it’s the start of 2 weeks off for me. The first week will be with my daughter and the second week for me. I have nothing planned and no idea what we’re going to do or how I’m going to spend my week other than I hope there’ll be a nice day for the golf course in there somewhere. I’m also hoping I’ll get a chance to mow the lawns at some point coz they’re getting out of control and I feel bad whenever I walk out the front door and see it.

Once upon a time this two weeks off would have been all about getting wasted and pushing myself to the limits. These days they’re about looking after myself, my daughter and doing things that help me feel good naturally.

I know I’m gonna feel better after this break. I’ll still be on the forums Monday and Thursday nights…………being on here helps me maintain my recovery and I always find inspiration from other people’s shares.

It’d be great to hear what you’re up to or whatever else is on your mind……….(Now I’ve got “Where is my mind?” by The Pixies in my head)

[PnorkelPW]

It's good you've got the awareness to realise where you're at @ScorpionPW and can do something about the compassion fatigue

I think I just dislike dynasties and feel like Golden State have had their time so someone else should have a turn at the top

[ScorpionPW]

That sounds so nice @PnorkelPW, enjoy the time with your daughter and the well deserved break!

Yeah fair enough, well if they want it, they gotta take it

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All............is anyone out there this Thursday evening??? What's on your mind???

I jump on here each week and share a bit about what's happening for me but it'd be great to hear about your plans or what's on your mind heading into the weekend.

I suppose what would be good to know is what help you're looking for?? If you're reading this page...........what is it you're looking for?? Is any of it helpful and if not what would you find helpful???


I've had a big week with my daughter for the school holidays and I'm bloody tired. Tomorrow is gonna be a very chill day to just relax because I need to listen to my body which is asking me for some rest right now. When I was using my body would scream at me for some rest but my solution was more substances to keep me going and more again to knock me out. I was trapped in an endless cycle of ups and downs. I was fuelled by substances and pushed my body to breaking point. It's just not sustainable and had major impacts on my physical and mental health. These days I've got better when my body asks for rest and I provide it because i know what the consequences could be and I've got too much to lose.


So.............what's on your mind leading into the weekend???

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All………….I hope you’re week has been orright.

This week has been about an energy reset for me and it’s been quite interesting. I feel like I know myself pretty well and know what I need but it’s weeks like this that I learn more about myself………..and maybe that I don’t know myself as well as I think. It’s the second week of 2 weeks off and last week was spent with my daughter. This week has been for me. I’ve done most of what I thought I’d do but I’ve also napped more than I thought too.

I like to think that I’m handling things well, that I’m not tired, I don’t need too much sleep and that I can just keep pushing no matter what the circumstances. I like to think that I’ve got my life into a pretty good routine and that I can fit everything in. The truth is though, I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard. Balance is important in life and mine has been out of whack. I’ve been trying to fit too much in, getting by with not enough sleep and this week it’s shown up.

I thought this week would be all activities but I’ve made some adjustments to that as well. I’ve had to adjust my mindset to say that it’s been okay to rest too. I can get stuck in a mindset that life has to be about doing things all the time and that I have to keep busy, busy, busy. I need to change my mindset and incorporate rest time as well. I thought I’d be wasting my time off this week if I slept but I’ve listened to my body and napped when I’ve needed it. I’d almost forgotten how good an afternoon nap can be and this week I’ve enjoyed a few.

Why is rest important??? It’s because my thinking changes if I don’t get enough sleep. I can get irrational, make snap decisions, don’t have as much patience, and can get stuck in a negative headspace. What’s shown up for me this week is how far I had slipped into that negative space. By being able to take the step back, get some rest and give my mind a break I’ve been able to see new solutions to problems that have been bothering me. If I’m in a negative headspace I can start to look for solutions that aren’t healthy for me. I think about running away from problems instead of facing up to them and escaping problems is dangerous.

Every day is a chance to get to know myself better. A chance to make adjustments because life will always throw curve balls. As you start to learn to live without drugs or alcohol in your life you’re going to need to make adjustments too. You’re going to learn about yourself every day and find out you’re capable of far more than you thought possible. Maintaining a headspace that allows you to make good decisions and not look for an instant fix is vital. Being able to think through the tough times and not reach for the old solution is vital. The old solution never works and only causes trouble.

Just when I think I know what exactly what I need I learn that I don’t know myself as well as I thought. We’re forever evolving and life is a constant learning experience. I’ve still got a few days of this break left and I’m going to make the most of it because I want to maintain this headspace and make decisions that are good for me and don’t send me backwards.

I feel like this post was a bit all over the place and not sure it’ll make sense to anyone but that’s okay. Sometimes we just have to get what’s in our heads out and if that’s through talking to someone, drawing it, painting it, writing it down or whatever other method gets it out of your head then that’s okay too. The forums are a space to share what’s on your mind and today that’s what’s come out of my head and sometimes my head is all over the place……….and that’s okay too.

What’s in your head today????

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All..........what's planned for your weekend? How has your week been??

I've got my daughter this weekend so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully we'll get out for a bike ride at some point and it seems that lately we've started a bit of a ritual of getting a hot chocolate and going to the beach. Some days we get out for a walk and other days it's raining but that doesn't stop us from going down there. It's important for me to get out of the house each day or I start feeling edgy so some days we'll just go down there, sit in the car drinking our hot choccies and watch the rain over the bay. it's a good chance to just have a chat too. Sitting side by side is a great way to talk to anyone. It creates sameness and takes away the levels of power.............it's an equaliser. It works when out walking too. Driving is good too but you still have to concentrate on the road so if it's a big conversation it's best to pull over.

My week has been interesting. Back at work after a two week break I've discovered how drained I was before i left. I've just had much more patience than I had before. It's been a disappointing week too because I've been dating someone for the last couple of months that was really promising at the beginning but over time it's lost its spark so earlier this evening we decided to end things. Two weeks ago things felt great but things just change sometimes and I'll reflect on that. It was important to make the hard decision though. It would have been easy to try and pretend things would change and drift along but I wouldn't have been happy. I've learnt to make the tougher decisions but it's not always easy. I've made the mistake of staying in relationships when my heart isn't in it and it really affects me badly.

So what are your plans for the weekend??? How's your week been??? What's on your mind???

[ScorpionPW]

Thanks for sharing @PnorkelPW, sounds like you've got some nice quality time planned with your daughter

It's huge to be able to walk away from something that's not serving you as well. I remember the first time I walked away from a relationship before riding it out to the bitter end and actually making the decision based in self love and self respect. It wasn't easy but it served me so well and ever since then It's gotten a little easier overtime to keep my emotional world safe by leaving situations with people that don't align with that. I find the longer I stay in recovery the less room I have for drama in my life, the healthier my relationships become and the people close to me are really solid.

This weekend my son is going to my dads house for 2 nights so I get a couple of nights to myself. Tomorrow night I'm spending the night with somebody I've started seeing recently then I'm catching up with a sponsee for dinner and a meeting on Saturday so I'm really excited for all of that

What's everybody else up to? How's the weekend looking?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All..........I'm preparing for the weekend because I've got another concert on. I was at a gig a few weeks ago and got triggered unexpectedly and it affected me for days. This week has every chance of the same thing happening because it's a Pink Floyd tribute concert with a lightshow..............and that's what got me last time. I'm going with a mate who drinks but that part doesn't bother me so much although I still need to prepare for it given the events a couple of weeks ago. It's going to be a long afternoon of watching footy, the concert and possibly heading out for a bit afterwards. I'm really strong with not drinking which is a bit strange because drinking was my biggest problem. Drugs were a massive part of my story too but I stopped and started those over the years............although there were many different substances involved at different times. So I'm preparing for triggers for both. Did I mention I'll be right next to the casino so I need to have a plan in place for my gambling too???? There's a lot to think about...........

What are my plans??? Firstly I'm going to be driving. I live an hour from the city so my car is essential and needing to drive home will deter me from drinking. My car also gives me the option to just leave and drive home if need be. I've told three people the circumstances and have them ready to answer my phone call if I need to talk some things through. My ex-wife lives 10 minutes from the city and is extremely supportive and I've spoken to her. I still have a key if she's not home and she's fine with me letting myself in if needed. If she's home she'll be good support too as will my daughter. I'm ready to just go straight home after the concert instead of heading out if I'm struggling. There's also Directline I can call if needed to talk to someone anonymously. I'm not taking cash, credit cards or bank cards to limit my availability to money. My mate is supportive and he's aware so if I say I need to go he'll be ready to leave too.

Anyone else got any suggestions???

What's planned for your weekend?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi all..........what's on your mind heading into the weekend?

Are you excited?

Are you dreading it?

Do you have plans?

Are you going away?

Do you wish it wasn't the weekend?

[ScorpionPW]

Hi @PnorkelPW, I am looking forward to my girlfriend meeting my son for the first time over a nice dinner tomorrow night, spending some quality time with my son over the weekend but also having some time to myself on Saturday night and watching the epic UFC card on Sunday.

What have you got planned, how's things looking for you?

[PnorkelPW]

This weekend for me is going to be low-key. I've got my daughter and we've got no plans. No plans usually provokes some anxiety in me but this weekend I'm feeling pretty chill about it. I've had a few things here for the last few weekends that we haven't started yet. I bought an impossible jigsaw puzzle that has no edge pieces and 5 extra pieces. I've had it for over a month and we haven't had a crack at it yet so maybe this weekend we'll get started.. Last weekend we bought some stuff to make friendship bracelets with so we can do that too. We haven't played any boardgames for a while so that's something else to add to the list and I want to start introducing her to some old school movies like Edward Scissorhands and Mrs Doubtfire............do you have any other movie suggestions? There's also what seems to be becoming a ritual and that's getting some hot chocolates and going to the beach to either walk or just watch the waves.

This weekend needs to be a bit of a cheaper one and other than the hot chocolates there's no need to spend any money. There's heaps of free or cheap things to do.................can you add any to the list????

Glad to hear things are going well with the new GF @ScorpionPW. Sounds like you've got a great weekend..............I hope all goes well with the introductions

[ScorpionPW]

Thanks @PnorkelPW

It sounds like you've got a really lovely, chilled weekend with your daughter. It's nice to hear that you don't have anxiety about having a weekend without lots of plans, it's a real gift to be able to slow down and be ok with not being busy. Well it has been for me, that's for sure!

How's everybody elses weekends looking?

[PnorkelPW]

Hi All................what's your plan for the weekend?

As I walked in the door tonight a thought crossed my mind...............a few months ago I wrestled with a decision because my gut was telling me something wasn't right. My head was damn sure the direction I was heading was right. My heart was most of the way there. But my gut was telling me that I needed to stop and think. It was strong and I couldn't ignore it. Someone once said to me that head, heart, gut need to be in alignment and it's always stuck with me. If they're not in alignment then we need to ask why and think things through. In active addiction I ignored that feeling soooooo many times. As I've been in recovery I've learned to start listening to my body. All those times in active addiction where I knew I was going against my better judgment but did it anyway. They always ended up in regret..............and usually a lot of guilt and shame.

I've stopped trying to think of decisions as right or wrong............they're just decisions. We never get to see how a decision would have played out if we'd gone the other way. We can only speculate. A few months ago I interviewed for another job because I was frustrated, angry, and unhappy. It was a job that felt right, ticked a lot of boxes and I think would have really suited me but there were just a couple of things gnawing away at me that suggested it wasn't the move to make. I tried to ignore them because I wanted change so badly but the feelings just got stronger. I interviewed really well, they asked for my references and I thought I was obliged to go through with it. I made the tough decision to withdraw my application as they were doing reference checks................and I instantly felt relieved. That was enough to tell me that I was doing what I needed to do. Three months later and my circumstances at work look vastly different and I'm the happiest I've been in a while. I'll never know how things would have worked out if I'd gone through with the application but I know how things are now.

So as I walked in the door tonight it occurred to me just how much things have changed and how I've learnt to trust my gut. Our bodies are amazing things and are trying to tell us things all the time.

Is there anything you're fighting at the moment??? Are your head, heart, and gut in alignment??? Are you listening to your body???

@Swanlee @IceOneBro @Krystal87 @king kylo @Drunkendiva

[PnorkelPW]

Does anyone have any questions about the upcoming weekend?

Are you looking for help or advice about anything in particular???

[PnorkelPW]

My dad is coming to visit this weekend...........maybe. He said he'd come over 4 weeks ago but didn't and again two weeks ago but didn't. I wasn't really expecting him because he left things a bit up in the air and didn't confirm but this weekend he should be here. It'll be good to see him and I'm trying to enjoy the moments. The reason he hasn't come the other weeks is because he's just forgotten. His mind is starting to deteriorate so it'll be difficult as well. It's just one of those facts of life that I have to accept. I can't change it so I might as well just try and enjoy the time we have. I do find it hard though. I get frustrated but I just have to think how frustrating it must be for him.

We haven't always had a great relationship. Things were tough from when I was about 15 because of my lifestyle and him being a policeman.............it caused quite a lot of conflict. In my early 20's I went 18 months without talking to him at all due to some real conflict but in time our relationship healed. It got rocky again in my mid to late 30's when I was off the rails again and the only reason I ever called him was for money. It's no exaggeration to say that the only reason I'm alive is because of his help through those years but he also set some boundaries as things really spiralled out of control for me.

As I got myself back on my feet after rehab he was there to help too. We don't always see eye to eye but I'm eternally grateful for his support. I can't believe I'm saying this but he's role modelled the sort of father I want to be..............but he's also role modelled the sort of father I don't want to be at times too. I want my daughter to know that I'll always be there to help her if she needs it but that I won't enable her.

So this weekend I'll just try to be grateful for the time we spend together.

What's on for your weekend?