Drinking is so hard to stop

[Gailw]

Past 5 years hell divorce moves three times had a home built lost my mum and mum in law..son joined navy daughter can't cope with emotional stuff so I block everything. Had cancer 2021 lesion on lung biopsy on eye and no friends or support since divorce.... got a job in aged care but drink the minute I walk through the door. Stopped in 2018 due to my daughter wanting a relationship went on campral and diazepam and didn't drink for 9 months went away to Bali on my own and started again. The drinking has got worse since I had the carcinoid teratoma removed. I'm now on diazepam and eleva and Mirtazapine for severe depression. Lost a clients son to suicide and made me think about my life and where I'm gonna be when I get older alone as my kids can't be bothered and it's nothing to do with the drink as I don't tell them it just blots everything out..... some days I wish I could fall asleep and not be a drinker anymore....it's so so hard to break the habit when your tired and life is just bed work bed work and I'm mentally exhausted by it all

[Artaud]

Hi, thanks for posting today, you have a very engaging story. Your story seems really tough however it appears that you are very strong and resilient. Its great you have reached out for help and this forum can be a really good support for you, Thanks for posting and thanks for your courage .

Artaud

[ScorpionPW]

Hi @Gailw,

Firstly I just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest about where you're at. I remember when everything was really raw for me and reaching out was so hard because I felt so alone and didn't think anybody would understand or want to hear it.

You've been through a lot and I can really relate to feeling the need to self medicate from everything dragging you down and feeling monotonous, but at the same time wishing you weren't using it as a coping mechanism.

I tried to stop many times but without learning new ways of coping with things that I'd been through and life on lifes terms it was inevitable that I'd go back to substances to cope, because I didn't know anything else and I had to get through somehow.

I eventually ended up getting the right supports and everything changed for me. I'm wondering if you've reached out for help anywhere else or if that's too much to think about right now?

Either way, we're always here and I really hope you continue to reach out here on the forums

[Gailw]

Thanks for reading I've woke up this morning feeling shit and already thinking about my next drink as it's my day off... Waiting for the next hit and when to start....Ive been prescribed campral and diazepam and used them four years ago and stopped for over nine months then went away on my own felt bored and started again...I find it very hard to unwind with out having a drink so I'm gonna try distract myself today .......I need to stop as I'm sick of being reliant on it and definitely need support I have a number I can ring for alcohol and drug related issues and they are open 24 hours .....I'm gonna try and not buy wine as my doctor advised me to to just stop as it's too much of a shock to the body so I'm not sure what the next step is .....I've emptied the bins of the wine bottles so it's not a reminder and see how today goes

[Sunflowerseed]

Hi @Gailw,
Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing. Alcohol is difficult to fight with but you are not alone and there are support to help you. I'm wondering did you call the alcohol and other drug line on Friday? Did it help?
How are you feeling today? Let us know if there is anything we can help you with. You are not alone.