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  • Struggling

    XT
    Junior Member
    Posts: 7
    Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2022 11:27 am

    Struggling

    Fri Sep 30, 2022 10:22 pm

    Im struggling badly right now. I was going good for almost a week then the depression kicked back in and I drank three days in a row three bottles of vodka. I feel like kicking myself, what a stuff up. Its just wasting my life and money. :(
    0 x
    CaptainKirk
    Moderator
    Posts: 138
    Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 1:08 am

    Re: Struggling

    Fri Sep 30, 2022 11:20 pm

    Hi XT

    Thanks for your post. These moments are testing but nevertheless all add up to teach a lot about the roller coaster of moods, urges and self esteem. Keep up the challenge to change. There are many who are living their life without drink (many are here in this forum) but they have all got there through experiencing the pain and doubt similar to that you are going through at the moment. Stay in touch with the forum this weekend and beyond.

    CaptainK (mod)
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    Sunflowerseed
    Community Builder
    Posts: 174
    Joined: Tue Jun 07, 2022 10:33 am

    Re: Struggling

    Mon Oct 03, 2022 11:54 am

    Hi @XT,
    I'm sorry to hear you were struggling... I hope you are feeling better now.
    It feels like everything is possible in the ups, but when the downs hit, it becomes so hard. That's how this journey is, full of ups and downs, so is life. It is important we grow from every downs and learn new ways to help us in the future.
    In moments like this, it might be helpful to talk to someone, even just some simple chat. There is the live chat function with a counsellor on shift on the Counselling Online website. It might help if you even need someone to talk to at any stage. You can always post here in the forum, but there are some delay in reply here sometimes.
    You can find the chat in the website here: https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/. Just need to scroll down a little and click on the "Chat with a counsellor".
    Take care of yourself!
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    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 694
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Struggling

    Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:00 pm

    Hi @XT .............I know this sounds cliche but the road to change is full of twists and turns. It's easy to think of times like this as a "failure" but I try and encourage people to look at the lessons. I know you said that the depression kicked back in and led you to drink..............what do you think you can do differently next time the depression kicks in?

    And are you able to recognise the signs that your depression might be starting to kick in?


    I remember writing a line in my journal when I was in rehab.........."I don't know if my drinking is the reason for my depression or my depression is the reason for my drinking". All I knew was that they went hand in hand and fed off each other. As I was able to get on top of the drinking my depression got better but it's something I need to remain aware of so that I can take action before it sets in. I journal every day which helps me stay aware of my patterns, thoughts, and behaviours.

    What helps you when you're feeling depressed?...................other than alcohol.
    1 x
    User avatar
    qboln
    Junior Member
    Posts: 26
    Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2022 2:49 am

    Re: Struggling

    Mon Nov 14, 2022 9:30 pm

    @PnorkelPW
    Yep...using a depressant for depression... ): Crazy society we live in

    @XT
    Hope you're going a bit better this week bud.. at least you're self aware and acknowledging whats happening, i guess...bottle is bastard of a thing to battle .. hoping the best for ya
    1 x
    PnorkelPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 694
    Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:14 pm

    Re: Struggling

    Thu Nov 17, 2022 8:40 pm

    Totally @qboln ............and then using an upper to get out of the funk and a downer to settle again and getting trapped on that hamster wheel.

    I'm so glad I've learned how to regulate without drugs and alcohol. It's not always easy but it beats getting addicted to substances again.
    1 x
    ScorpionPW
    Peer Worker
    Posts: 628
    Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:06 am

    Re: Struggling

    Mon Nov 21, 2022 9:12 pm

    Hi @XT, just thought I'd touch base, say hi and see how you're travelling with everything?

    I remember so many times when I would stop using and everytime I did it felt like there was a darkness that would come over me and gain traction in my thinking. I would try to keep it at bay for as long as I could but I would always end up picking up again when I just couldn't stand it, it would break me over and over again and it would be the same process that would happen within my thinking that would lead me to pick up again.

    It took me a long time to learn that just stopping itself wasn't enough. That once I stopped, I was still left with all of the reasons I seeked solace and comfort in substances in the first place and finally that it was too much to cope with that on my own without picking up again.

    I had to find a way to get the right kind of support around me to actually look at those reasons and begin to work through them, to learn how to cope with them in other ways and try to find ways to be ok even when I'm not ok if that makes sense?

    I also remember the guilt and shame everytime this happened, that feeling of failure and like all my hard work of abstaining was for nothing. In fact, I learnt something each time and I had to go through the journey of reaching the same place over and over again before I was willing to find another way.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is that as hard as it can be, try not to beat yourself up and be so hard on yourself. I was for so long, until it was pointed out to me that of course I was going to keep going back to that because I didn't know any other way and it was too much to expect of myself to find another way on my own.

    How's everything going for you at the moment? Just remember, we're always here if you wanna reach out and touch base regardless of where you're at on your journey.
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