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Kicking your 18 year old out of the house
Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2022 9:55 pm
So after several years of spiralling down conflict with our oldest son, he will be 18 in under a year.
After years of counselling, talks, etc, his turning 18 will be a milestone for all of us where I'm planning to let him finish his final year in school and then he'll either live with us in a respectful fashion (something he has completely failed to do now for years - read "Son on the wrong path") or I will kick him out of the house and he'll need to fend for himself.
He'll always be our son, and I'll always love him, and he'll be welcome back if he wants to live civilly with us - but he wont be allowed to live under this roof and keep bringing in problems, conflict and immense disrespect.
I'm interested in other people's experience who have had to take this step and how you went about it.
Obviously it concerns me where he'll get shelter - we live in Sydney, so him getting a place to rent, let alone earning enough to actually pay the rent will be virtually impossible. Couch surfing and shacking up with a handful of mates might be possible, but is messy and unstable. What resources exist to assist an 18 year old survive on their own and avoid literally living on the streets and eating from a rubbish tip?
Re: Kicking your 18 year old out of the house
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:04 pm
Your boundaries are amazing @dizzyrhino. The thing that stands out the most is that you're not completely writing him off or cutting him off. Knowing that he can turn to you for help in when he's ready at some stage in the future may be the thing that gets him back on track..............when he's ready.
Learning how hard life gets when you're paying rent, bills, working, studying, etc is a big lesson. There are crisis services available but they're usually short term help and rely on the individual helping themselves too. I worked at a youth refuge for a few years and we'd have young people between 16 - 21 stay with us for 6 weeks. If they were working with their case manager and trying to find work, do courses, find accommodation, improve their life skills, etc the they'd get the opportunity to stay longer. We had some of them for 5 or 6 months while they were creating a stable footing and we'd get them into transitional housing where they'd have some more stability....................but they had to be helping themselves to get that opportunity. If they did nothing for the 6 weeks then they'd be back to the streets or other short term crisis accommodation.
Your son will make his own decisions and thanks to your approach he'll understand the consequences of those decisions. When or if he's ready I hope he chooses to turn to you for help.
Learning to survive off very little taught me what I was capable of but it also taught me that I didn't want to live like that. Hopefully your son learns lessons before it gets to that point.
Keep setting the boundaries that keep you and your family safe and I truly hope things turn around for all of you.
A google search of "youth crisis accommodation Sydney" will give you a snapshot of what's available.