Turning the negative into positive

[Lhiver]

Okay everyone, it is time to reframe! Sometimes it can be difficult to find the positives in life, but but shifting our thinking a little, we can find those silver linings!

It's been really cold and wet here in Vic, but I have a lovely view over a reserve from my room so I've been able to watch the rain on the trees which is always so beautiful!

I'm back at uni and am go go go, but I like having structure and this year I've been able to develop some good techniques for helping me stay on top of my work load!

Okay now over to you all! @Simply me @PnorkelPW @Peace Dove @ScorpionPW @Alvarosyd @Katiee @Spankypompay @MQ1111 @Design2 @RicchRoss @Rattle36

Dp you guys have somethings you'd like to post today?

[Alvarosyd]

My team lost our last match against the best team in the competition but it was a very close game and we gave it all ! I loved that game and I grew so much since then! I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow each and every day!

[Lhiver]

@Alvarosyd I love what you've said there "I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow each and every day!" It recognises that this is a journey of growth and change, and that that is something that should be embraced!

I'm sorry your team lost though! It's always a bit bitter sweet, no matter how well they played

[ScorpionPW]

Thanks for sharing @Lhiver and @Alvarosyd.

I didn't get enough sleep over the weekend so I was a bit tired beginning the week but it was because I got to have a lot of fun going out and spending some time with somebody I really care about.

Things like this teach me that self care looks different all the time. The fact that my life is so busy means that sometimes I have to sacrifice having as restful a weekend as I would like to connect with people and bring new and exciting experiences into my life.

[PnorkelPW]

Today I was able to have a pretty good day with my mum because I changed my approach. I took my daughter to see her Granny because I choose not to see my mum very often. I won’t go into reasons but there’s a lot of unresolved stuff and I turn into a 16 year old boy the second I walk in the door. I’m basically planning my exit the whole time I’m there and it’s just uncomfortable. She’s my mum and I love her but I have to maintain healthy boundaries for myself.

Today I took a different approach and took a boardgame that the three of us could play. It allowed me to stay longer because the focus was on the game and it was a complete distraction from the usual uncomfortable conversation.

The end result was what I can happily say was a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon. Time to get more solution focused like this for future interactions.

[Rattle36]

I’m struggling hard to think of a positive since my last post. Still in the same situation and can’t think of anyone way to get better. I think my main problems are financially and my mental state plummets due to that. I try think positively as much as I can but come the weekend I just struggle to beat the urge. Even though I know it’s just digging me deeper. I think as a positive I’ve started to open up and be more honest with those around me, but still keeping how bad it actually is from them.
Can’t bring myself to tell them how deep I actually am

[Lhiver]

heya @Rattle36 I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now. It can be hard to think of a positive sometimes, I think the fact that you're opening up to those around you is a really brave step. You don't have to tell everyone everything at once, it can take time to feel comfortable to open up, and sometimes we don't want to feel like we're over loading those around us. But be proud that you have taken that step! @PnorkelPW @ScorpionPW do you guys have anything to say to @Rattle36

[ScorpionPW]

That sounds really hard to be carrying that, especially on your own @Rattle36.

Financial insecurity is the worst! I've had times in my life as well where financial insecurity has really negatively effected my mental health. It's a tough anxiety to overcome.

It's good that you're starting to become more honest, even though it's sounding like you're finding it difficult to speak up about the reality of where you're at.

Have you ever tried going to any 12 step groups or other peer groups in the community? You can always get support from people there who get it, because they've been there too. It's a place without judgement and that's anonymous as well so you can just let it all out and be real. Plus the people there have been in situations like yours and found a way out, found new ways to live and found freedom from this stuff.

Let us know if you would like any more information on how to access any supports like this

[PnorkelPW]

Hi @Rattle36............I've just seen the other post you put up in another thread and between both posts I can list a number of positives that you may not be able to see at the moment.

You're reaching out for help on here, you've acknowledged you have a problem, you know that when you start you can't stop, you can see the financial impact it's having on you, you've started to open up to some of the people close to you, you can recognise the relationship between your use and your mental health, you know that the weekend is a trigger for you and probably the biggest one I see....................is that you know that using has stopped working for you. All these things combined are positive because they're signs that change is on your mind. Thinking about change and making change happen are two different things but you're definitely on the right track and I'm encouraging you to keep going.

I remember coming clean to a couple of family members when my back was against the wall and I was about to borrow some money from bikie associates with a ridiculously scary interest rate. I felt like I had no other choice. Everything I had (which wasn't much) was in cash converters, my overdraft was maxed, credit cards were maxed, I had a Nimble loan and everything I earned was being blown on one addiction or another. My back was against the wall and I knew I was about to make a dangerous mistake. Opening up to family played a massive part in my pathway to recovery. Suddenly I wasn't as alone and some of the weight was shifted from my shoulders. They didn't bail me out but they helped me work my way out of it.

It was only admitting that things had reached that point that people were able to help. There is one thing I've learnt about addiction over the years and that's that it's damn near impossible to do alone............and people can't help if they don't know how. I think it's great that you've started opening up to some people you can trust but they'll only be able to truly help if you let them. You may have feelings of guilt and shame building up but they'll only get stronger the longer you try and shut people out. I agree with @Lhiver that taking it easy on disclosure is important because you have to feel comfortable but in my experience and that of others I've spoken with, the feeling of sharing and lightening the load is a major step towards finding the help you need.

I hope you can continue to establish trust in those you are speaking to and eventually let them know the extent of the position you're in. I also hope that as you open up you start things get easier for you to access the help you need.

[Lhiver]

Right now I think I need to practice a bit more reframing in my day to day life. It feels odd being back in July in lock down, a bit like Groundhog Day!

This week is hard in lock down, but it has given me more time to work on my studies and to start getting back into a good routine with my exercise.

My housemate has been at her partner's so it's been a little lonely, but I have been able to get a lot of odd jobs done around the house, and also loads of laundry, which I wouldn't have gotten done otherwise! Our living room currently has three clothes horses in it lol

what about everyone else?

@PnorkelPW @Jess Bell @Rachel28 @Alvarosyd @StevenTum @Globe @WildeReformed @Exfitspo @Annie2405 @lucia_span @Deyfhob @Simply me @Charligirl @chasityhd2

[WildeReformed]

@Lhiver I'm sorry to hear you are in lockdown. I hope you have been getting ahead in your studies. What are you studying?

Yesterday I got a call to inspect the house that I applied for and I was really excited but when we got there I realised the photos had been edited...a lot and it was a bit a dump. I felt pretty sad and uncertain afterwards but decided to look at it in a different way. I figured that it wasn't meant to be and something better suited would be coming up soon. Our real estate was really nice and let us inspect another property and are even going to hold it for us whilst we wait to see if our landlord decides to sell the place we are currently in and love. So, in the end I felt really happy that we have another option and are being supported and that things have turned around.

[Lhiver]

@WildeReformed Thank you, I'm studying social work!

That's disappointing that the initial place you looked at was a bit of a dump, but it does sound like you re framed the situation and have a good outlook on the situation! Your real estate agent sounds like they're being very understanding and nice! Hopefully you will find out soon about your landlords decision, and can have some clarity about how you're moving forward

[Lhiver]

Time for Turning negatives into positives!

Right now in Melbourne I think we really need a bit of re-framing haha

This lock-down has meant I've had to cancel a lot of plans, but it gives me more time to focus on my study! I have the final round of assessments due this week, then nothing until September! So I am glad that I can just focus on uni for now

how about everyone else?

@Renae38 @Girl_1479 @Dusty444 @Gardengirl68 @BeeB @Beebeecat @pdm411 @PnorkelPW @ScorpionPW @UltraViolet @Angel.w @JR78

[UltraViolet]

I have some good examples this week!

1. Being in lockdown and not travelling in to work has been frustrating, but has given me some extra hours in my day, so I have started spending time on my neglected studies and have realised that something I had previously labelled "way too hard" was actually quite achievable with a bit of hard work.

2. Last night we blew a fuse. We have this one fuse that flips the circuit breaker *all the time* and last night we couldn't get it to flip back on. We had a spare fuse but my 2 sons and I couldn't get it to fit into the socket no matter what we did. We were all feeling very frustrated because it meant there was no internet or TV! But we sat around talking and laughing for a good while, which we normally wouldn't have done (they'd be gaming, I'd be looking at Pinterest or watching some telly) And then I recalled that I had some fuse wire somewhere, so I dug it up and my son dug up the original old fuse and replaced the blown fuse wire and it went back into the socket like magic and everything worked again. So what was originally a frustrating situation ended up being a good conversation and the boys both learned how to fix a blown fuse.

[PnorkelPW]

I like this @Lhiver and great work @UltraViolet ……..I love that you were all managing to have a laugh whilst being without the power. I’ve been trying to remain positive through all this lockdown stuff and realised I have a lot to be grateful for in the process. I still get to go to work but must admit I feel a little trapped by not being able to go far on the weekends.

For me it’s become a time to simplify and remind myself that I can happily sit with myself these days. If this was back when I was stuck in addiction it would have been a disaster because I didn’t like myself and didn’t understand myself. These days I can happily sit alone and quieten my mind, find activities to occupy me, reach out to support networks and be grateful for what I can do instead of obsessing over what I can’t.

So yeah………I suppose that’s it………I’m grateful for the perspective that lockdown has given me on far far I’ve come in recovery